Playboy Playmate Holly Madison Reveals She Was Suicidal While Living At The Playboy Mansion

Former Playboy Playmate and Hugh Hefner ex-girlfriend Holly Madison has revealed that her time in the Playboy Mansion was so miserable that at times she was suicidal, Huffington Post is reporting.

In her upcoming book, Down the Rabbit Hole: Curious Adventures and Cautionary Tales of a Former Playboy Bunny, the now-35-year-old ex-model says that life inside the Playboy was not the “incredibly glamorous” experience the media makes it out to be.

“Everyone thinks that the infamous metal gate was meant to keep people out. But I grew to feel it was meant to lock me in.”

Madison put on her game face for the E! reality series, The Girls Next Door, publicly promoting life at the mansion as a never-ending series of parties. She kept her suicidal thoughts from the cameras.

Holly says that by 2002, she was so miserable inside the mansion that she was suicidal. One night while taking a bath, she contemplated ending her life.

“If I just put my head under water and take a deep breath in, it would all be over… Maybe it was the pot and the alcohol, but drowning myself seemed like the logical way to escape the ridiculous life I was leading… Thankfully the only thing greater than my need to escape was my desire to share my experience. If I sunk my head below the water and went to sleep, no one would ever know the truth.”

As People reports, Madison claims that Hefner — “a man old enough to be my grandfather” — would often pit the Playmates against each other, just because he enjoyed the drama. This led to petty catfighting among the women in the mansion — and to Holly feeling so insecure about herself and her looks that she underwent several plastic surgeries.

“What seemed like a fairy tale life inside the Playboy Mansion – including A-list celebrity parties and her own No. 1-rated television show for four years – quickly devolved into an oppressive routine of strict rules, manipulation and battles with ambitious, backstabbing bunnies.”

Eventually, Holly Madison was able to put her miserable and suicidal life inside the Playboy mansion behind her. She married businessman and music-festival promoter Pasquale Rotella at Disneyland in 2013, according to this Inquisitr report, and the couple now have a daughter, Rainbow Aurora.

[Image courtesy of Getty Images / Ethan Miller]

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