Christian Mother Rewrites ‘Harry Potter’, Cuts Sorcery, Internet Reacts

Can you imagine Harry Potter without wizards, witches, and sorcery? It’s like imagining Charlie and the Chocolate Factory without the Oompa Loompas or the chocolate. That said, one Christian mother has decided to rewrite the entire series to rid the novels of their sorcery.

Her reason for rewriting the series is simple — she doesn’t want her children to turn into witches. According to Metro, mother Grace Ann has already published at least seven chapters on the popular fiction site,

Ann Grace explained she’s only rewriting the Harry Potter series so her children aren’t tempted to the dark side.

“My little ones have been asking to read the Harry Potter books; and of course I’m happy for them to be reading, but I don’t want them turning in to witches!”

“So I thought….. why not make some slight changes so these books are family friendly? And then I thought, why not share this with all the other mommies who are facing the same problem? So here it is!”

So how does Harry Potter even arrive at Hogwarts? Well, let’s start off by explaining that this version of Hogwarts isn’t a school for wizards to practice their craft. Instead it’s called Hogwarts School of Prayer and Miracles.

According to the Christian mother’s version, Potter is transported to Hogwarts via prayer. Harry’s first few observances of Hogwarts are filled with golden 90s references such as it being, “so different from the girls in public school who were focused on trying to be like the career women they saw on Sex And The City.”

Also, his friend Ron is referred to as Ronald for some reason. Voldemort is still evil, except this time around he is trying to get the children from practicing their religion.

As for Harry’s aunt and uncle, they quote Richard Dawkins. We wish we were kidding.

Here’s an excerpt.

“On learning that Hagrid is a Christian, Harry asks what that is.
‘Christians are people who want to be good,’ Hagrid explained wisely; and crouched down so he was on eye level with Harry. ‘We want to go to heaven after we die. Do you know what heaven is, Harry?'”

“Aunt Petunia smacked her hands over Harry’s young ears; and her voice was sickly sweet when she said, “Thank you very much for your concern, sir, but he does not need your religion, he has science and socialism and birthdays.”

Reaction over the new Harry Potter series has been decidedly mixed.

What do you think about the new version of Harry Potter?

[Image via Warner Bros]

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