Comedian Kyle Ayers’ Live-Tweet Of Break Up, With Celebrity Guest Commentary

With the constant evolution of technology, it seems there’s always a new way to make communication less meaningful. The telephone made people write less letters, email made people call less and texting made it possible to take voice out completely. Although, it sometimes makes for hilarious situations.

Comedian and writer Kyle Ayers did his best to go against the grain; like any dedicated humorist and netizen faced with a difficult, personal situation, he live-tweeted a break-up.

It probably helped that it was someone else’s break-up.

Yes, on Saturday, November 16, Ayers claimed to be witnessing a couple break up on the roof of his New York City home. The resulting tweets are hilarious, awkward, hilariously awkward and somewhat hard to believe at some points.

It all starts innocently enough, with Ayers telling the Twitterverse “A couple is breaking up on my roof right now. I was just trying to enjoy the view. Now I will live tweet the breakup,” complete with the hashtag #roofbreakup (that hashtag really sends it home).

Here are some of the highlights, complete with play-by-play analysis from our guest celebrity commentators.

The opening salvo:

OK, not exactly a Jerry Maguire moment…

Then again, this is a break-up. But she’s looking for co-habitation, it appears. Understandable. It’s like trying something on in the fitting room before you commit to the purchase. It’s a state of being together without that whole “until death” thing in the way.

Oh. Oh my. There really are no two ways to interpret that. It’s important to be able to interact with and be cordial to the friends of one’s significant other. You two need your own private lives and own friends, but they still have to be able to co-exist on some level.

We go to news anchor and commentator Ron Burgundy for the analysis.

OK… Not the retort we were expecting. In the face of bilious rage, she goes for co-dependence with a dash of subservience. That doesn’t sound like the foundation of a healthy relationship (because, you know, they were doing so well…).

What do you think, Pepper Brooks?

Wait… what? Context? Anyone for context? Get your context here! “What is this, a break-up live-tweet for ants?!”

That could mean any number of things, none of them pleasant based on the all caps emphasis. Of course, we can’t blame Kyle for getting up to grab some more popcorn.

Interesting that it comes from both sides of the break-up. Communication is sometimes important when trying to enjoy what’s right below marriage.

Tyler Durden feels your pain and totally gets what you’re saying. Then again, as an alternate personality or figment of the imagination, maybe we shouldn’t be taking his advice.

Uh, OK? I don’t even… what? All circuits are not busy, the lines of communication are open. Use your big girl words. Come on, you can do it. This is one of those times when body language would really help, unfortunately not really an option when you want to tweet a break-up. Anything, Captain?

Spot on, sir.

Well, as long as you can agree… There’s something to be said for honesty in a relationship. Like, the fact that it can’t exist without it, or something like that.

I hope you realize you’re not getting invited over for dinner with the Byrnes family any time soon. Dude is defnitely not good enough for Flap Jack’s little Pam-Cakes.

Whoa! Ease up there, Jules Winnfield!

No one needs to be daring anyone (and definitely not double-daring). After all, the clothes don’t make the man. Everyone just calm down, put the gun away and get some Big Kahuna Burgers before this gets uglier (well, uglier than a break-up being tweeted for the entire world to read).

Did Xzibit pimp this break-up during the intermission or something?

“Yo dawg, I see you like to call people immature, so we put some immature in your immature so you can be immature when you call people immature.”

Don’t let that get you down, guy. We’re sure there’s something awesome about you. Clearly not your wardrobe, based on the earlier tweet in the break up.

How about you suit up and cheer up the Barney Stinson way!

Wow, this guy really doesn’t know how to win over a crowd. Oh, wait. This is a live-tweet of his break-up, he doesn’t know there is a crowd… Well that’s still a horrible vocabulary he has on display. Definitely not one of his potentially “awesome” traits.

Captain Hook, your thoughts?

Yes, Peter Venkman. Something you wish to add?

An excellent point. That is not the direction these two need to be heading. Instead, how about exits, on opposite sides of the building. She takes the stairs and he takes the fire escape like a gentleman.

Don’t over think it, guy. It’s a place to live. With this girl who doesn’t think you’re awesome (although she at least realizes that everyone else does, cuz there’s no way that was sarcasm).

Admiral Ackbar is our resident expert, he’ll tell you what living together is.

Then business started picking up.

No need to go all Mary Jane on the guy…

Besides, something tells us the concept might be lost on him. He’s having difficulty plumbing the emotional depths of co-habitation and he’s probably still angry about the wardrobe comment.

This will not end well, which is pretty much the theme of the entire thing.

Big surprise.

Although, we are impressed with his mastery of Aesopian lore. You are the Farmer and he is the Viper.

And, if you stick around much longer, you’re going to get bitten.

One word, dude: Busted!

You’re not getting off that easily. There is no escape. Detectives Mike Lowrey and Marcus Burnett are on the case.

They always get their man.

Between us detectives, I know what you’re thinking, punk. ‘Do I feel lucky?’ Well do ya?!

Well that’s about the first salient point this guy has made.

Kyle channels his inner Alfred E. Neumann: ‘What, me worry?’


Nope, she’s not having it.

Ah, he needn’t have worried.

Live to tweet another day, Kyle.

In addition to her excellent taste in men, she is also a bit on the naive side. Then again, who expects to have her break-up tweeted?

That’s actually a great quote. Mental snapshot, steal save for later.

This guy is going to have to face facts: no one is safe.

Tell him, Travis Bickle.

I think she finally gets it!

That’ll show him!

As long as he’s paying attention…

Hmm… oh, what? Did you say something?

As an aside…

Face, meet palm.

Way to prove her point: waste of her time. In situations like these, it’s important to maintain one’s focus, lest you perish.

Annnnnnd you’re dead.

So what do you want on your Tombstone?


No uncertain terms there.

Something you’d like to add, Captain Hiller?

Excellent point, no need to get premature with this guy.

Coming this winter, the sequel you’ve been waiting for: Face Meets Palm II.

Yes, Lloyd Christmas, what’s your question.

No. No, Lloyd. No.

Girl makes her escape, lives to love another day. Dude pulls out his phone like nothing happened.

And… scene!

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