Long gone are the I Love Lucy days of childbirth, when the father comically rushes his very pregnant wife to the hospital, drops her off, lights a cigar, and paces the waiting room. These days, men are supposed to be involved. They are the hand-holders, the ice-chip deliverers, the recipients of the proverbial “I hate you why did you get me pregnant by the way we’re never having sex again” meltdowns. But according to Daily Mail writer Martin Daubney, he’d rather be with Ricky in the waiting room.
“For ten years, our sex life had been great,” Daubney writes of his relationship with wife Diana. “But then Diana gave birth to our son, Sonny, and things ground to a halt.” While most married couples have some issues getting the hang out things in the bedroom after Junior arrives, Daubney confesses that his wife wasn’t the problem. It was him. Apparently, watching his wife go through a traumatic three-day labor and emergency C-section delivery put him off sex entirely. His article doesn’t mention how the experience effected her.
“You might think loss of libido after having a baby is far from unusual, to be expected even; most women understandably focus their energies on their newborn, too tired to think of anything else,” Daubney writes. “But the lack of intimacy in our decade-long marriage was down to me, not Diana.”
“Witnessing Sonny’s birth had turned me off sex altogether.”
While acknowledging that no one forced him to bear witness to the birth of his son, Daubney video taped the entire thing. Later, he confided in friends that the whole experience was just too much for his libido. “At least three of my friends have admitted to leaving their wives as a result of their dwindling sex lives,” Daubney writes. “I truly believe couples would have more chance of normal intimacy after a birth if men saw less of the delivery… What no one talks about is how witnessing childbirth — the most intimate experience in life — leaves a lasting impression on a man and can drive a wedge between himself and his wife.”
Oddly, his article doesn’t mention women being turned off from sex after childbirth. At this point, I would honestly like to ask any of the aforementioned men how they think their wives feel about a romp in the sack after pushing a small child out of their lady-parts. But I digress.
Daubney mentions feeling ashamed by his feelings. “At the time, I felt ashamed, bewildered, as if — ironically — becoming a father had made me less of a man.”
The writer also shares stories of friend of his who were equally put off by “how grossed out they became when their wives became mothers.” A friend, called “Stephen” in the article, says that it wasn’t as much birth but breastfeeding that turned his off. The 41-year-old father says that “watching his wife breastfeed their baby made him never want to have sex with her again. He explained it by saying, ‘I felt my wife’s body was no longer mine.’ ” Jezebel writer Tracie Egan Morrissey quips, “Guess what, Stephen. IT NEVER WAS YOURS.”
What do you think of Daubney’s reaction to his wife’s delivery of their son?