Charlie Sheen/Barack Obama fanfic, as written by… Charlie Sheen
While nearly one out of three Americans question the 9/11 Commission Report and nearly one out of five think that the Bush Administration had a hand in the attacks, Charlie Sheen has taken questioning the official account of September 11th to a whole new level.
He’s written a fanfic about it. He doesn’t call it fanfic, but any of us who used to be addicted to Harry Potter fanfic know what fanfic is- we recognize it when we see it. Sheen has written a long- boy howdy, is it long- fantasy interview between himself and Barack Obama (abbreviated as PBO in the “interview”) in which much like an action movie star, he takes on America’s most charismatic man with the hard hitting questions. And being conceived and carried out totally in Sheen’s head, he pulls no punches.
As a native New Yorker who thinks the 9/11 Commission Report was an insult and that the previous administration is at least guilty of criminal negligence, I don’t begrudge Sheen his fervor on the subject. (And if I do, for a minute, all I have to bring up in my memory is landing in Newark on September 15th and watching the smoke billowing over half of my beloved home city in stunned silence.) However, Sheen’s mock interview is downright adorable in parts. I particularly liked the ending, although I think he’s being a bit of a Charlie-Sue:
(The Senior aide appears again beside the President whispering in his ear. He then quickly moves off).
PBO – Well Charlie I can’t say this hasn’t been interesting. As I said earlier you’ve showed up today focused and organized. Regardless how I feel about the material you’ve presented, I must commend your dedication and zeal. However, our time here is up.
(the President rises from his chair , I do the same).
CS – Mr. President! One more second!
(The President starts towards the door – I follow him quickly step for step).
CS – Mr. President, I implore you based on the evidence you now possess, to use your Executive Power. Prove to us all Sir, that you do, in fact, care. Create a truly comprehensive and open Congressional investigation of 9/11 and its aftermath. The families deserve the truth, the American people and the rest of the free world deserve the truth. Mr. President -
(He pauses. We shake hands).
CS – Make sure your (sic) on the right side of history.
(The President breaks the handshake).
PBO – I am on the right side of history. Thank you Charlie, my staff and I will be in touch.
(I watch as he strides gracefully out of the room, the truth I provided him held firmly by his side; in the hand of providence.)