A woman’s emotional Reddit post about discovering her husband’s alleged years-long affair has sparked strong reactions online, with many users urging her to leave the relationship.
In the now-viral post shared on Reddit’s relationship advice forum, a 29-year-old woman said that her 34-year-old husband had a secret affair with another woman for around two and a half years during their three-year-long marriage. According to her, the affair was ongoing during their engagement, wedding, pregnancy, and even after the birth of their baby.
The wife claimed that the other woman eventually contacted her directly and even sent screenshots showing her husband claiming he was single, that his wife was just his “roommate” or “baby mom,” and that they were in an “open marriage.”
The wife revealed that her husband allegedly told the other woman that he loved her and that they were “soul tied.” He also brought the other woman into their house and said that he wanted both of them in his life, while lying to them constantly.
“What makes this harder is that this wasn’t just physical. It was emotional too. He built an entire second reality with someone else while still coming home to me every day,” the woman said.
“Now we have a baby together and I feel like the emotional fallout from this has completely wrecked me,” she shared, adding that ever since she found out about the affair, she has been feeling anxious, angry, hypervigilant, heartbroken and traumatized.
The woman also shared about the difficulties she’s been experiencing with breastfeeding, stating that her milk production has decreased a lot. “I believe that it has been a constant stress and grief for me that has taken a toll on my body.”
The woman stated that her husband was remorseful and that he wanted to be reunited. But she said she still felt uncomfortable and forced to “move on” before she could really deal with the emotions that had come up.
“I think what I’m struggling with most is this: How do you know if reconciliation is actually possible after betrayal on this level? Especially when the lies lasted years and involved so much manipulation?” she wrote.
The woman also revealed in an update that she discovered the alleged affair in February and had spent months trying to process the situation. She said she was preparing to speak to her mother and had already scheduled a therapy appointment.
She asked for advice from fellow Reddit users who might have experienced something similar. She also wondered if the anxiety, sadness, and intrusive thoughts ever reduce for people who choose to stay in a relationship or marriage despite being cheated on.
Many Reddit users reacted strongly in the comments section. Several people claimed the husband was only sorry because he had been caught, while others advised the woman to seek legal help and focus on herself and her child.
One user put it bluntly, suggesting that she should “dump him.”
One person who claimed to be a trauma therapist shared a lengthy comment, validating the woman’s mental struggles and sharing her advice. She said that she would consider their case for reconciliation therapy.
“This was not a single impulsive mistake or a short-lived lapse in judgment. This was a sustained, calculated double life carried out over years,” the user wrote, adding further, “He did not just betray you s-xually. He psychologically manipulated two women simultaneously while repeatedly rewriting reality to suit himself. That level of compartmentalization and deception is deeply concerning.”
She then said that the woman’s symptoms, including her anxiety, hypervigilance, obsessive mental replaying, loss of safety, and even the impact on her breastfeeding and milk supply, are symptoms of trauma. “You need support, grounding, sleep, nourishment, safe people, and trauma treatment,” the user said.
Another user also contributed to the conversation with more advice. They suggested that the woman should consider using baby formula and talking to a therapist. She also advised that she should get herself a lawyer and get the necessary paperwork done while preparing for a divorce.
Other users were angrier, with one person writing, “He’s not sorry he cheated on you. He’s not sorry he lied and manipulated you and this other woman. He’s sorry he got caught.”
Yet others called him a “horrible person” and a “pathological liar.” Many users also encouraged her to consider divorce while focusing on the aftermath of the alleged affair.
