An Oregon man wearing a Cookie Monster shirt stole cookies from a convenience store — because of course he did, Fox News reports.
Specifically, police say that on July 22, a man wearing a shirt bearing the image of the famed Sesame Street character went into a Forest Grove convenience store, ate half a pack of cookies and left without paying.
There are so many questions about this story that remain unanswered. Did the alleged thief deliberately wear that shirt when he committed this premeditated crime? Did he enthusiastically shove the cookies into his mouth and make the gobbling sound that the real Cookie Monster makes while doing so? What’s the guy’s name? Those questions will likely never be answered.
What we do know, however, is that the thief says it was all a misunderstanding. Once word of his crime got around town, he turned himself in and tried to explain the situation.
Again, more unanswered questions: Was the guy made to pay for the cookies? What possible “misunderstanding” could arise from eating half of a pack of cookies and then leaving without paying?
We’ll likely never know.
It’s not unusual for local police departments to report on bizarre or funny local crimes, and to bring the snark when reporting them.
In this case, the Forest Grove Police Department’s website threw in a Sesame Street pun when reporting about this crime. “This entry was brought to you by the letters C and T, and the number 3, as in Citation for Theft 3,” the department wrote.
— Mental Floss (@mental_floss) July 27, 2019
Meanwhile, the list of dumb criminals who have made the roster for food-related crimes continues to grow.
For example, as Jezebel reports, a Texas woman wanted to see her jailed boyfriend, and rather than going the more traditional route of, you know, going to the jail and visiting him, she stole a $4 bottle of wine instead. Then she sat in front of the convenience store from which she’d stolen it, waiting for the cops.
When she was arrested, the women told the police about her plan. Apparently, her thinking was that she would be brought to jail for theft and the two would live happily ever after.
In an extraordinary example of failure to think things through, this aspect was apparently lost on the woman. She seemed to forget that men and women are kept in separate jail cells. That, and the fact that the theft of a $4 bottle of wine is extremely unlikely to result in a jail sentence.