The Comey-Mueller Romance That President Trump Threatened To Expose Eludes House Judiciary Committee [Opinion]

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In a September interview with The Daily Caller, President Trump alleged that former FBI Director James Comey and Special Counsel Robert Mueller had a lurid bromance that bordered on perhaps being even more. “(Robert Mueller is) Comey’s best friend,” President Trump stated. “And I could give you 100 pictures of him and Comey hugging and kissing each other. You know, he’s Comey’s best friend.”

Determined to get to the bottom of this highly inappropriate and subversive romance, BuzzFeed news reporter Jason Leopold filed a Freedom of Information Act request with the Federal Bureau of Investigation, demanding that they produce the damning photos of Mueller and Comey “hugging and kissing each other”. Much to everyone’s disappointment, the FBI was unable to produce any records that matched Leopold’s request:

Undeterred, President Trump doubled down in a tweet prior to Comey’s testimony before lawmakers on Friday, including what was no doubt an intentional spelling error:

The House Judiciary Committee grilled James Comey under oath during an inquisition on Friday afternoon, asking relevant and pointed questions to shatter Comey’s controlled veneer, according to the transcript of the proceedings posted on Lawfare. Comey, however, consistently frustrated the Committee with his evasive answers, according to Fox News. Democratic Representative Jerrold Nadler of New York, tiring of the tit-for-tat and gamesmanship, finally cut to the chase.

“Are you best friends with Robert Mueller?” Nadler suddenly asked Comey. A quiet descended upon the proceedings.

“I am not,” Comey said. “I admire the heck out of the man, but I don’t know his phone number, I’ve never been to his house, I don’t know his children’s names. I think I had a meal once alone with him in a restaurant. I like him. I am not a — I’m an associate of his who admires him greatly. We’re not friends in any social sense.”

Oversight Chairman Trey Gowdy’s (R-SC) fists clenched in breathless anticipation. The inquisition had finally trapped its quarry. Comey and Mueller. Having a meal. In a restaurant. Alone. This was officially a date, the bromance potentially tipping into romance.

Then, the Democrats sabotaged the proceedings, giving further evidence to President Trump’s assertions that the Comey and Mueller investigations were “A total witch hunt”.

“I will not ask whether you’ve ever hugged or kissed,” Nadler capitulated, a self-congratulatory smirk coming across his face as all the air went out of the room.

“A relief to my wife,” Comey deadpanned, no doubt relieved himself.

Not to be denied, the House Judiciary Committee will bring Comey back for a second round of questioning on December 17th. The world waits in breathless anticipation to see if the Committee can turn the tables and the Grand Inquisitor-In-Chief Trump will be vindicated.

Robert Mueller, as usual, had no comment.

Such is the current state of American politics.