So as I had dinner one last time with my future in-laws, just before my flight back to Los Angeles, I was showered with a basket of gifts. Well, it wasn’t a basket really, just gifts that might have been better presented in woven fiber. Nevenka the matriarch, presented me with a nice gold chain, her husband gave me wine and olive oil from his vineyard. The other relatives whose names I should definitely learn since they took the time to present me with largesse and compliments, all made sure I would be paying an overweight fee at the airport check-in. My girlfriend kissed me and reminded me of a date next June which I quickly forgot on the 11-hour flight back to California. If it’s important I am sure she will remind me again.
Anyway, it was back at my apartment after rest and a shower that I discovered among the clutter of my luggage and things, something belonging to Kylie Jenner. It was a box, a colorful box, and her name embossed and raised against what could only be the pictures of its contents.
I don’t know Kylie Jenner nor would I recognize her, even if I saw her on a magazine cover (it’s true). I am assuming it’s a girl because it would probably be Kyle if it weren’t. I do know that she lives next door to the Kardashians or perhaps down the block from them. I assume the people I know, know just as much or even less than I do. Perhaps more, I suspect my friend Vinicio is following someone in that Kardashian crowd via mobile device or binoculars, but I really can’t say for certain. This item was out of place in my home and it needed to be examined further, so I picked up the box.
Could this be a mistake? Why would someone give me a box of makeup? Why would someone in the family I was planning on marrying into give me a box of makeup? A big box of makeup. Clearly a mistake.
I tore it open hoping to find a stash of money or drugs because there could be no other explanation as to why I would consider this a gift. No crisp dollar bills, no baggies, nothing else hidden inside. Nothing. Just palettes of make-up. Yes, that is what make-up trays are called, palettes. One palette labeled Naughty and the other, Nice. Naughty and nice, two words I seldom hear, unless I am at a strip club or Christmas is upon us.
The colors of Christmas are alive in Kylie Cosmetics Holiday 2017, with shades like Drummer Boy and Tipsy, which I think is brilliant because even though I am not color blind I sometimes have trouble identifying colors like auburn and taupe. Other than the basics red, yellow, green et cetera (which will be called St.Nick, Glazed, and Emerald when Kylie is wearing them this winter) I could easily mistake peach for pink, which is called Miracle here.
It took but a moment for this gift to grow on me, the names are clever, but they could have added some scents because I couldn’t resist the urge to sniff Hot Cider, which incidentally is the color of hot cider. How can I appreciate this gift? I don’t wear makeup, and picking the right tie to match my suit is already a daily chore that would make me twice as late if I had to consider the shade of my cheeks. Still, I am going to keep this gift, if only to trick myself into sniffing the colors whenever I stumble upon it during the year. I will show gratitude to the relative responsible for this gift, by sending him a lump of coal, which is also a shade in Kylie Holiday Collection 2017
Harpers Bazaar went to the trouble of defining the colors in the palettes for those of you unable to identify Gumdrop or Holly in nature.
[Featured Image by Taylor Hill/ Getty Images]