North Korea Says Trump Has ‘Lit The Wick Of War,’ Wait, What? [Opinion]

From the day Donald J. Trump became president, accusations of various misdeeds have dogged him, but he has now gone off and lit the infernal “wick of war,” according to North Korea.

North Korea has always been somewhat over the top when it comes to threats and insults, by most Western linguistic standards, but this time it has taken the cake and the pie. In a seemingly endless duel of colorful metaphors hurled back and forth between Pyongyang and Washington, North Korea may have finally outdone itself. Well, at least when it comes to insults, that is.

When the rogue country pulled “dotard” out of its bag of invectives, it undoubtedly sent some reaching for Webster’s or consulting “Professor Google.” However, just the sound of the word “dotard” rolling off your lips already confirms it must be some kind of insult—especially if you put more inflection on the second syllable.

After subsequently calling the president “a frightened dog” and a “gangster fond of playing with fire,” you would think that North Korea had finally run out of offensive barbs to fling at Trump. Then came the “wick of war.”

Now, metaphors should enhance the meaning of something by painting you a mental picture of the action. Lighting “the wick of war” at once conjures up images of Trump standing there about to light “war” fashioned into the shape of a candle. Conversely, one could also envision that candle as a stick of dynamite as well.

Imagining a verbal exchange would be even more hilarious:

Trump: Watch now as I light the “wick of war”… Uh, does anyone have a light? I don’t smoke.

Kim: Scoundrel! You have defiled the People’s Republic for the final time! Now face my hail of fury!

Trump: I’ll see your “hail of fury” and raise you with one “fire and fury.”

Of course, as far as metaphors go, lighting the “wick of war” must be right down there with stepping into the “poop of conflict,” or perhaps striking the “tree of discord.” Fine, maybe the second one isn’t so bad but you get the picture.

President Trump, if you happen to be reading this we ask, why did you light that wick of war? It probably would have been better to just drop the “mother of all bombs” instead.

And to the rest of America, let’s all step away from our differences and partisanship for a second. For a brief instant, can we all join together in a hearty belly-laugh at Kim Jong-un and North Korea for coming up with the lamest metaphor for a fight, ever?

[Featured Images by Alex Brandon and Wong Maye-E/AP Images]