It’s easy to dismiss Kim Jong-un as a chubby clown with a silly haircut, but beneath those puffy features and beady eyes is a steel-trap mind and a ruthless will that could unleash great terror on the world if his ferociously fickle hand was to remain unchecked.
Fortunately for the free world, Donald Trump is willing to get right in little Kim’s face and bellow belligerently about how they’ll be a great reckoning if the tubby little tyrant starts throwing his weight around on he world stage.
And so for now, at least we have a peace with the “Dear Leader” and North Korea. Yet for how long? All the evidence indicates that plucky Kim is suffering from what is historically renowned as the disease of kings, or as it’s more commonly known, gout.
Gout is a particularly painful condition and can drive a man crazy with agony. And a crazy man is a dangerous man.
Probably the most famous gout sufferer in history before little Kim limped onto the scene was that old womanizing psychopath Henry VIII. It’s no secret fat Henry had the sort of lifestyle and diet that had massive heart attack written all over it. Consequently, gout is often thought to be caused by the sort of overindulgent lifestyle that was once the sole prerogative of kings.
Gout, which is a form of inflammatory arthritis, used to be rare among young people, but now thanks to an abundance of sugary drinks, saturated fat, and protein rich foods, it is becoming a lot more common, as the obesity fad plaguing the western world becomes more and more attractive to the fashion-conscious youth.
For those who want to know a little more about gout, here’s the science part. If you have high levels of uric acid in your system, it will accumulate and may cause needle-like crystals in and around the joints. Areas most commonly affected are the foot, particularly the big toe, which can swell considerably. As a result, walking becomes a process of unbearable agony.
It would make sense that Kim, who is often seen walking with a limp and who, judging by his physique, has been a life-long advocate of unhealthy living and the poorest of diets, would be suffering from the old purple toe fever.
It’s no secret that Kim has a particular passion for Swiss cheese. By all accounts, the greedy toad can’t get enough of the creamy stuff. It’s apparently an addiction he picked up during his student days in Switzerland.
With widespread malnutrition and famine running rife amongst North Korea’s 25 million citizens, old Jong-un doesn’t appear to think there’s too much wrong with gorging on vast quantities of Swiss cheese.
Although cheese is not naturally a high-risk food for triggering gout, heavy alcohol consumption and food naturally high in purines such as beef, lamb, pork, and seafood are all red rags to the hungry gout bull.
The Daily Mail reports that Michael Madden, an expert on the North Korean leadership and contributor to the 38 North website, is pretty much convinced Kim has the disease of kings flowing through his veins.
“Based on his gait, it appears he has gout – something due to diet and genetic predisposition that has affected other members of the Kim family.”
So there we have it. Can little Kim be truly blamed for his behavior, or is he just caught in the grips of another gruesome gout epidemic?
[Featured Image by Alexander Hassenstein/Getty Images]