It’s coarse, common, hugely popular, and Kate Middleton is a massive fan. We’re talking denim. But should the future wife of the King of England be so keen to dress like a ranch hand when on public engagements?
More to the point: Does Kate’s love of a well-fitted pair of jeans leave Queen Elizabeth red-faced and squirming with embarrassment that one of the more prominent royals delights in dressing in a material adored by the masses?
The Queen, as we all know, would not allow herself to be spotted in public wearing a faded pair of Levis. Such a fashion choice would not only be a sartorial crime, it could almost be construed as an act of treason.
The Duchess of Cambridge, on the other hand, is an altogether different kettle of fish.
Kate, as we all know, is not a high-bred filly but comes from distinctly common stock. As such, the poor girl was previously unaware of the subtle dress distinctions that help maintain the British class system.
Tweed, corduroy, a well-cut blazer and a nice pair of Wellington boots have long been the staple of a royal gal out and about. And while Kate is no stranger to the contents of an upper-class wardrobe, she has an innate attraction to high-street style and the garb of the common lass.
Like many hardworking and cheerful factory and office girls throughout Britain, the duchess delights in strutting her stuff in skinny jeans and ghastly footwear.
And just like her fellow disciples of the denim, Kate opts to indulge in her love for high street brands such as Topshop and Marks and Spencer over the more expensive designer labels.
Unfortunately, when you opt to rock the casual look and let standards slide, other things begin to slide as well.
Beady-eyed observers have noticed that Kate’s skinny jeans are guilty of having little more stretch than jean in them of late. Resulting in the duchess often finding herself in the compromising and very un-royal position of having to hike the sagging offenders up around her waist in full view of a judgmental public.
At such moments of constitutional crisis, one’s thoughts turn to poor Queen Elizabeth. What must Her Majesty think of a young Middleton yanking up her jeans like a hairy builder after four pints, a curry, and an afternoon spent digging ditches?
The late dandy, and rabid defender of sartorial elegance, Sebastian Horsley, was fond of solemnly announcing,
“There are only two things I cannot tolerate. The first is murder and the second is denim.”
Like leggings and tracksuit bottoms, denim has become the go-to garment of choice in the modern world, and just like those aforesaid garments, it can all too often suggest that the wearer is lacking in moral fiber, has little or no imagination, and already has one foot on the slippery slope which leads to the inevitable outing to the supermarket wearing nothing but lightly-stained pajamas, an oversized dressing gown and a pair of ugly boots which carry the faint odor of dog excrement.
It just won’t do. And for a royal to persistently wear denim, it’s not just beyond the pale, it’s horrifically garish.
Like Kate, many royals have made the mistake of rocking up to a public function in a pair of jeans. Queen Elizabeth, on the other hand, knows better. How can anyone, even a queen, look majestic in a pair of jeans?
Denim was invented purely because it was a sturdy material that could withstand a hard day of bareback riding and shoveling manure.
We don’t expect our royal families to act like cowboys, so why should we accept it when they dress like them?
[Featured image by Chris Jackson/Getty Images]