Ed Sheeran has confirmed just how risky being a “swinger” can be when recalling the time he slapped his best buddy Justin Bieber in the face with 42 inches of golf iron.
Such an incident gives a new meaning to “clubbing it,” but apparently a horizontal Bieber getting quite literally shafted by an enthusiastic Ed did, in fact, happen, as the flame-headed songbird confessed to the Guardian.
Describing it as one of those “what the f**k” moments, Sheeran affectionately recalls how Bieber and himself had been partying hard in a Japanese dive bar.
Sinking the drinks and getting loose as two like-minded souls who share a love of the same things are prone to do in a foreign country, Ed was, in his own words, “hammered,” but apparently a disciplined and diligent Bieber had been abstaining from the hard stuff. Like a polite pop puritan, he had consumed nothing but water.
With their stomachs full and their eyes glowing with the fierce fire of friendship, the two buddies left the bar and somehow ended up on a golf course together. As one is prone to do if you’re a pair of multi-millionaire princelings with the world at your feet and the hordes beating a path to your door.
Although drunks are naturally hardwired to get naked on golf courses and frivolously run around and maybe indulge in a spot of harmless but energetic wrestling, Ed and Justin are more cultured and civilized types and decided to do what more elevated and refined souls do on a golf course — start swinging!
This is where it gets complicated.
Instead of opting for the traditional contest of locking horns and attempting to ram their balls into a series of small holes in as few strokes as possible, Ed and Justin decided to spice things up a bit and add a little bit of fruit to the festival.
According to Sheeran, without warning, Bieber lay prone on the floor and stuck a golf ball in his mouth and pretty much commanded the hapless Ed to hit it, and hit it hard with plenty of rhythm.
Ed recalls, “I was like, ‘F**k, I need to aim this properly,’ and I swung.”
Just like the gap between thought and expression, in the moment between the swinging and the swung, there lies a lifetime, and Bieber is lucky Sheeran didn’t accidentally end his.
Like raging drunks are prone to do, the plucky British singer misfired and hit Bieber in the cheek with his golf iron. A few inches more in either direction and things could have taken a more serious turn.
“I swung. And you know in films when someone gets punched, and you hear that fake sound, like a slap? But in real life when someone gets punched, you hear that dull thud, a bit sickening? I heard a sound like the last one and saw his security guard looking at me with a horrified expression.
“I’d cracked Justin Bieber right in the cheek with a golf club.”
Fortunately, Bieber survived the incident relatively unscathed, but let’s just hope he stays away from “swinging” buddies in the near future to avoid any further complications.
As for Sheeran, the diminutive little singer has proven he’s somewhat accident prone.
In November of last year, the bespectacled and garishly tattooed crooner boasted about going to the hospital to get stitched up after Princess Beatrice slashed his face clean open with a ceremonial sword while in the process of “knighting” Brit singer James Blunt at a party in Windsor.
Like a bona fide rock ‘n’ roller, Sheeran bragged how once treated he returned to the party to keep on keeping on.
Unfortunately, Blunt, who is as tiresomely uncool as Sheeran, looked to seize upon a bit of the limelight from the incident when he recently appeared on The Graham Norton Show.
The “You’re Beautiful” singer snapped, “If he said his face got cut while she was ‘knighting’ me then dashed to A&E before returning to the party, then he is a liar!
“For a start, she is a princess and would be rehearsed and practiced in these matters, and given the NHS waiting lists it would have been impossible to get to hospital and back so quickly!”
Trying to get a “hole in one” with Justin Bieber and feeling the thrust of some ceremonial steel with James Blunt has apparently taught Sheeran one thing.
The singer/songwriter has admitted he recently cut out beer and it has “worked wonders.”
“I’ve lost like 50 lbs. That was it, it was the beer.”
[Featured Image by Christopher Polk/Getty Images]