Taco Bell huffs that their meat is actually 88% meat, vows to fight lawsuit

A few days ago, stoners across the nation became collectively concerned that the ground beef served at Taco Bell locations across the United States may be comprised heavily of things other than beef.

Outcry on the internet- where 85% of heavy users regularly consume Taco Bell products as a lone or major form of sustenance- was widespread, causing many readers to lean forward slightly in their Snuggies and spit mouthfuls of Mountain Dew across monitors when learning of the lawsuit. Taco Bell predictably did not take those claims lying down, getting on its Huffy Bike and insisting that their beef is only 12% stuff other than beef, thank you very much.

In a statement on their website, Taco Bell fumes:

“The lawsuit is bogus and filled with completely inaccurate facts. Our beef is 100% USDA inspected, just like the quality beef you would buy in a supermarket and prepare in your home. It then is slow-cooked and simmered with proprietary seasonings and spices to provide Taco Bell’s signature taste and texture. Our seasoned beef recipe contains 88% quality USDA-inspected beef and 12% seasonings, spices, water and other ingredients that provide taste, texture and moisture. The lawyers got their facts wrong. We take this attack on our quality very seriously and plan to take legal action against them for making false statements about our products. There is no basis in fact or reality for this suit and we will vigorously defend the quality of our products from frivolous and misleading claims such as this.”

Comparing their product to “chili or meatballs,” the purveyor of impossibly low-cost Mexican style foods posted an ingredient list which they say proves the stuff you are putting in your mouth is, indeed, mostly meat:

Our recipe for seasoned beef includes ingredients you’d find in your home or in the supermarket aisle today:

• 88% USDA-inspected quality beef
• 3-5% water for moisture
• 3-5% spices (including salt, chili pepper, onion powder, tomato powder, sugar, garlic powder, cocoa powder and a proprietary blend of Mexican spices and natural flavors).
• 3-5% oats, starch, sugar, yeast, citric acid, and other ingredients that contribute to the quality of our product.

Whether Taco Bell will manage to counteract the effects of the story, which spoke to many peoples’ concerns about how a quality beef product can really be had for 88 cents, remains to be seen. Did news of the lawsuit put you off your Beefy Cheesy Melts?