Justin Bieber just got real up in here. Forget Katie Couric or a mutual sob fest with Oprah Winfrey to rehabilitate his battered but not yet broken image. With a lot of help from Zach Galifianakis on his web series 'Between Two Ferns,' the teen star everybody loves to hate just addressed some of the most scandalous stories still stinking up his 2013.
And it was hilarious.
The just over five minutes "Funny or Die" sketch we were all alerted to weeks ago arrived online this morning, and we're still hitting replay.
Sitting down with Bieber, who largely plays the straight-man to Galifianakis' increasingly infuriated parent/host, the pair revisited the lowlights of the incident-prone Canadian's year.
We wish we could tell you what Zach muttered right at the beginning of the skit, but we can't make it out and time's pressing. Kicking the uncomfortable brilliance off, the host went in:
"It's really exciting to talk to you, especially right in the middle of your public meltdown."
Cue a death stare from Bieber and tumbleweed silence between two ferns.
Justin came back with, "You gonna say anything?"
To which, a seemingly quietly contemptuous Galifianakis slapped on the funny with, "Yeah, I just have never interviewed a seven-year-old before." In the same vein, he then lobbed a last toy and happy meal probe at Bieber which met with a deadpan response.
One of the many many money shot moments in the sketch came when Zach asked the pop prince, "Do you know what I was doing when I was your age?"
However, Bieber's retort, "Finishing fourth grade," wasn't the punchline.
Zach's mock-threat did the honors: "Your young punk attitude is not going to work in this interview. You understand me son? Okay."
From thereonin, the gems came hard and fast.
Among them, Justin's reply to a 'what-are-you-thinking-onstage?' question, ("Sometimes, I'm really like, damn I wish I was watching Cops right now.")
Zach snarked, "Do you ever accidentally sing that instead of your lyrics? (sic)"
"No. Usually, I'm just killing it," Bieber shot back.
Zach zinged, "Is it fun to be cocky?"
It got darker.
The teen singer was asked, "When you're in the recording studio, do you ever think, 'Hey, what if I don't make something sh*tty'? Does that ever pop into your mind in the process?
Further body blows rained, "You've had three hairstyles, what's next for your career?"
Staggeringly, we soon entered Anne Frank and the mop bucket territory. [Note: We watched from behind our hands].
Bieber was grilled on the guestbook entry he left after visiting Amsterdam's Anne Frank museum some months back, where --- among other things --- the popster wrote that he hoped Frank would have been a Belieber.
At the time, the Internet almost self-combusted despite the Anti-Defamation League's Abraham Foxman, the museum's reps, and even Frank's sister-in-law's confirmation of Anne's interest in pop culture and the possibility she could have been a Belieber given a different context.
Time-travel banter replete with insults followed before Justin offered, "I wanna be a time traveler" as his reason for April's mild faux-pas.
Building to the climax of mop-bucket mayhem, genius from Galifianakis, and side helping mentions of pot smoking and fast driving, the now totally unhinged host proceeded to 'spank' Bieber with his belt.
There was even green slime.
In short, it was glorious. Precisely because it enacted what many have imagined, and conceptually was so much better than the Batman Vs. Superman spoof everyone thought was coming.
Update: Galifianakis said, "This is the right chair, trust me," at the beginning.
[Images via YouTube and BuzzFeed]