One could say that Lena Dunham definitely attracts a certain “type” with her honest, bawdy, and yes, occasionally disgusting contributions to pop culture, but if “Lena Dunham fan fiction” is about to become a thing, we’re not sure we want it based on the first entry.
A Twitter user presumably looking for a modestly priced coffee table in her area stumbled across this epic slice of slash on Craigslist and shuttled it over to Brooklyn Magazine where Assistant Editor Virginia K. Smith subsequently lost all faith in humanity. Rumor has it, she has not been seen since (though wherever she is, she appears to have Internet access).
The post is rather awkwardly indexed in the Missed Connections section (yes, it’s a weird post even for Missed Connections), was supposedly written by Dunham’s college ex-boyfriend, and contains some of the most disturbing content you’ll see all week.
It’s an open letter, but also fan fiction, and possibly (IMHO) Dunham’s ex’s gross bid to become, well, the male Lena Dunham. The only mystery is why it’s on Craigslist.
Obviously, we can’t re-post the whole thing here because there are liability concerns when eyeball melting is a present danger. But here’s a taste of “Lena Dunham’s Dick” (that’s seriously the title). It’s very NSFW and from this point onward, we’re absolved of full responsibility.
But seeing you naked again wasn’t enough. I needed more. I thought about what BabyUnicorn85 had said earlier. It’s like Lena Dunham grew a dick and the whole world lined up to suck it.
And that’s what I imagined. You with a dick. Not a strap on, but you–small tits, soft curves, and all–with a big, hard, dick.
Only I wasn’t there to suck it. I was bent over and spread open. Ready to be fucked.
It worked. I’d never been so hard. I stroked and stroked until I could cut diamonds. I pictured you finishing inside me, and finished at home on my futon. Then I collapsed and fell into a deep, peaceful sleep.
I’ve thought a lot about that fantasy. Submitting wasn’t just sexual–it was cathartic. I’m pretty sure I released a lot more than cum that night.
Anyhow, I’m sorry this is such a long email. It’d be great to hear from you. And if you’re interested, I’d love to send you my play.
Read the rest of this creepy Lena Dunham Craigslist ad here.