Sammy Sosa may be best known for being a major league baseball player but we now have photographic evidence of his other occupation: Blood sucker. Yes, it appears that Sammy Sosa is a vampire.
Don’t believe me? OK, let’s do a little test.
Close your eyes and picture a vampire. Do you see a man with a sickly white face? A large widow’s peak hanging down from a carefully sculpted oily mas of slicked back hair? A tailored suit with a blood red tie?
Is your vampire standing next to an unsuspecting pretty woman? OK, now check out the photo of Sammy Sosa courtesy of Yahoo!’s Jeff Passan.
Widow’s peak? Check. Pale face? Check. Tailored suit? Blood red tie? Unsuspecting victim? Check, check check.
Sammy Sosa is a vampire. There’s just no other explanation.
Except for this one: NESN reports that Sosa has been experimenting with “skin conditioning” procedures since 2009 to give himself lighter skin. The good news is that the process seems to be working. The bad news is that it has made Sosa looking like a vampire.
The former Cubs slugger has kept himself out of the spotlight since he retired in 2007. Some people speculate that Sosa has avoided the spotlight because of the steroid issues that stained his career. But I think we all know the real reason: He’ll turn to stone if he’s hit with direct light.
Breaking: Sammy Sosa guest starring on True Blood this week. pic.twitter.com/bOSoXLCn8K
— Jeff Passan (@JeffPassan) September 10, 2013
Do you think Sammy Sosa looks like a vampire?