Fifty Shades Effect: Keep Your Penis OUT Of The Toaster

Have you heard of the Fifty Shades Effect? It’s much like you’d expect, but far more stupidity has been involved in what first responders in London expect is fallout from the popular BDSM love story.

The Fifty Shades Effect stems, of course, from the breakout sex romance novel Fifty Shades Of Gray, and its over-arching influence on the love lives and idealization of bedroom antics worldwide.

In London, the London Fire Brigade recently was forced to launch an awareness campaign specifically to keep people’s members out of dangerous kitchen appliances.

Yes, likely with a deep sigh, firefighters had to explain that since 2010, more than 1,300 people have been in a position where they had to call 911 because of a sexcapade gone awry, with at least one incident of sex requiring assistance from 911 (or 999 over there) at least once a day.

Seriously, London, slow your roll.

In actuality, not all the injudicious calls the London Fire Brigade gets are carnal in nature — some involve kids with fingers stuck in test tubes and the like. But UK authorities feel that the Fifty Shades Effect in part may be spiking such incidents, and Third Officer Dave Brown said:

“Some of the incidents our firefighters are called out could be prevented with a little common sense. I don’t know whether it’s the Fifty Shades effect, but the number of incidents involving items like handcuffs seems to have gone up. I’m sure most people will be Fifty Shades of red by the time our crews arrive to free them. I’d like to remind everyone that 999 is an emergency number and should only be used as such. When firefighters are out attending to some of these avoidable incidents, someone else could be in real need of emergency assistance.”

Brown added:

“If there’s a genuine emergency, fire crews will of course attend and will be on the scene to help within minutes.”

Feeling the need to caution that if yoy “use handcuffs, always keep the keys handy,” the Brigade also confirmed two such calls involved a man with his johnson stuck in the toaster and another with it lodged in a vacuum cleaner. I know my mom always said not to put a fork in the toaster, but I guess British parents need to be a bit more detailed.

Earlier this week, the official London Fire Brigade Twitter wrote:

You can follow the #FiftyShadesofRed tag for more Fifty Shades Effect tales of woe out of London. But we don’t advise doing so for inspiration in bed.