‘Malicious Fecal Distribution’: Man Seeks Female Jogger Who Keeps Crapping On His Property

“Malicious fecal distribution” is the charge that one New Mexico man has leveled at a female jogger, who continues to drop a deuce on his property. NewsNet5.com reported on the man, who did not wish to be identified, and his efforts to track down the rogue pooper.

“Drops her pants, lets go, puts her shorts back up, without any wipe, nothing else,” the homeowner said. “This is malicious fecal distribution. She’s come back multiple times.” According to the man, the ASSailant has made at least four trips to his place for a little mid-run bathroom break. You can check out the video below.

“If it happens again, I’m going to run out there with a hose and hose her down and say, ‘Bad human!’” the man added. Albuquerque police confirmed that if the jogger is caught, she could be charged with a misdemeanor for public nuisance or disorderly conduct. Personally, we like the “malicious fecal distribution” tag better, but police were never known for creativity.

Unfortunately, this isn’t the only nasty thing that members of the human race have pulled in the last month or so. Last week, yours truly brought you the hard-hitting story of Giusepp Scire, a San Diego pizzeria owner also known as “Jersey Joe,” who was accused of jerking the wrong kind of dough in front of his kitchen surveillance camera.

Scire denied the accusation, claiming he was most likely the target of bitter ex-employees. Regardless of whether he did it, someone was guilty of the indecent exposure, which ended up on 4Chan for all the world to see.

And as pooping goes, one property owner recently confronted a homeless man, who’d allegedly defecated on his property and then fell asleep next to it. When the homeless man refused to clean up the mess, a fight broke out, ending with the property owner shooting the homeless man, who is expected to make a full recovery.

Okay, we’ve held this one in long enough. Here’s the video we promised:

Do you think the female jogger’s actions are truly a case of “malicious fecal distribution,” or is this just a case of vigilant regularity?

[Image via ShutterStock]