Breaking: Drinkers live longer, proven by science!

If you’re not getting your drunk on, you might want to start.

Science has known for a while that drink affects lifespan in strange, variable ways. But it’s now been proven that those who tend to hit the sauce pretty much live longer than those who are totally boring, even when controlled for factors like socio-economic status.

Interestingly, abstainers tend to not even outlive those who drink like fish, which would seem to be counterintuitive. Yahoo News explains the study’s results concerning class, drinking habits and lifespan:

But why would abstaining from alcohol lead to a shorter life? It’s true that those who abstain from alcohol tend to be from lower socioeconomic classes, since drinking can be expensive. And people of lower socioeconomic status have more life stressors – job and child-care worries that might not only keep them from the bottle but also cause stress-related illnesses over long periods. (They also don’t get the stress-reducing benefits of a drink or two after work.)

But even after controlling for nearly all imaginable variables – socioeconomic status, level of physical activity, number of close friends, quality of social support and so on – the researchers (a six-member team led by psychologist Charles Holahan of the University of Texas at Austin) found that over a 20-year period, mortality rates were highest for those who had never been drinkers, second-highest for heavy drinkers and lowest for moderate drinkers.

So while moderate drinking is your best bet, you’re still better off as a boozehound than a Baptist:

Just over 69% of the never-drinkers died during the 20 years, 60% of the heavy drinkers died and only 41% of moderate drinkers died.

The study’s authors pointed out the boring stuff, like how drinking can increase your risk of doing stupid things like headstands on balconies or getting married. But it’s an interesting finding nonetheless- will the findings influence your likelihood of indulging in alcohol?