Airplane Farts: Finally, There’s A Solution To Your Nightmare At 20,000 Feet

Airplane farts. We’ve all been there, whether on the giving or receiving end. When you’re 30,000 feet in the air for a four hour stretch with no layover, well … let’s just say that nature happens.

But we are humanity, marching endlessly onward to the drum beat of progress, so why haven’t we solved this age-old dilemma? Doctors several months ago said “just do it,” but as you can imagine, that solution wasn’t exactly embraced.

They went back to the drawing board and actually came up with an airplane farts solution we can work with: Charcoal seats.

Holding in flatulence is unhealthy, but common courtesy and recycled air dictate that we do so. That’s why Doctors at Herlev Hospital in Denmark came up with an outside-the-box solution.

Putting charcoal into plane seats will actually neutralize the odor, according to Herlev docs. There are other things we can do, as well. Airlines could eliminate high-fiber in-flight meals and single out passengers with methane breath tests at the gate, though we don’t know what the implication of that would be … farting-only flights?

But our last bastion, indeed our last line of defense could be charcoal-filled seats.

The following is the official proposal from the Herlev doctors. As serious as it sounds, we can’t imagine them writing this with a straight face. They either busted up laughing like seventh graders in study hall, or one of them had a really bad experience on a recent flight.

“Flatus is natural and an invariable consequence of digestion, however at times it creates problems of social character due to sound and odour. This problem may be more significant on commercial airplanes where many people are seated in limited space and where changes in volume of intestinal gases, due to altered cabin pressure, increase the amount of potential flatus.

“Holding back flatus on an airplane may cause significant discomfort and physical symptoms, whereas releasing flatus potentially presents social complications.To avoid this problem we humbly propose that active charcoal should be embedded in the seat cushion, since this material is able to neutralise the odour.

“Moreover active charcoal may be used in trousers and blankets to emphasise this effect. Other less practical or politically correct solutions to overcome this problem may be to restrict access of flatus-prone persons from airplanes, by using a methane breath test or to alter the fibre content of airline meals in order to reduce its flatulent potential. We conclude that the use of active charcoal on airlines may improve flight comfort for all passengers.”

What do you think of this airplane farts solution? I actually can’t tell if they’re really serious about this.

[Image via: ARENA Creative / Shutterstock]