In what can only be described as a completely valid and unbiased study, a large candy manufacturers association has concluded that candy can’t possibly make you fat.
The new study was funded by the National Confectioners Association, a trade group representing the candy, chocolate, and gum industry.
There is really no reason to go into specifics on the study’s research process because we’re 99 percent sure its complete BS.
So what did candy company’s find out about their own products? Surprise, surprise, they won’t make you fat!
According to the study:
“Frequency of candy consumption was not associated with the risk of obesity, overweight/obesity, elevated waist circumference, elevated skinfold thickness, blood pressure, low density lipoprotein (LDL) or high density lipoprotein (HDL) cholesterol, triglycerides, or insulin resistance.”
The candy industry funded research also concluded:
“Increased frequency of candy consumption among adults in the United States was not associated with objective measures of adiposity or select cardiovascular risk factors, despite associated dietary differences.”
We have to question a study being run by an agency who’s main goal is “[fostering] industry growth by advancing the interests of the confectionery industry and its customers.”
Of course we can’t argue with the study unless of course there was another peer-reviewed study that completely invalidated the findings. Oh wait, that study was published in the New England Journal of Medicine.
In the meantime the National Confectioners Association released the following press statement:
“There is a place for little pleasures, such as candy, in life. A little treat in moderation can have a positive impact on mood and satisfaction, and as emerging research suggests, minimal impact on diet and health risk.”
Now if you excuse me I’m going to eat 30 Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups, a pound of gummy bears, and 1000 jelly belly’s. I hear those products do nothing to the waistline.