Guys Writes Epic 750-Word Pitch For Bike He’s Selling On Craigslist

Ryan really wants to sell his bike.

One of the most epic and entertaining Craigslist ads we’ve seen in a long time was written with love and sentiment by New York cyclist Ryan, who is looking to get rid of his bike. He put it up on Craigs with a lengthy 750-word testimonial of why his bike is awesome, and why you should buy it.

“What makes this bike so much better than every other bike that has ever been pedaled? Glad you asked. It starts with the paint scheme. It looks like Iron Man if Iron Man were a bike. That’s bold, son. Curb appeal. It’s probably also why some piece of trash stole the front tire that originally came with this beauty. Why didn’t he steal the whole bike? Because he knew he wasn’t man enough. That’s ok, I replaced it with something that looks even more boss.”

Digging through the epic thread reveals that the bike is a 2010 Felt Gridloc 3-speed fixed gear bike, and it can be yours for $700. I don’t know that much about bikes myself, but anyone turned off by the asking price may reconsider in light of the epic description.

“It offers 3 speeds, as the name implies. It also offers a terrific chance to introduce that dome of yours to the asphalt if you f—ing sleep for one single second on this b—-. So don’t trip. Ride safe. Get a helmet and if you’ve never ridden a fixed gear bike, maybe it’s time to move along, young sir because this back tire doesn’t flip flop and it doesn’t offer any respite.”

Unfortunately for Ryan, his bike ad has been flagged for removal by the Craigslist community, though it is unclear why. Craigslist ads can be flagged positively or negatively.