Amanda Kloots showed her vulnerable side Monday night as she shared some updates on her husband Nick Cordero’s ongoing coronavirus battle. Rather than share a video in which she verbally gave an update as she usually does, Amanda posted several slides of text to her Instagram stories to fill everybody in on how the day had gone.
Over the weekend, Amanda detailed that Nick had been doing okay. However, she explained, he continued to be stuck in a cycle of one thing after another going wrong. She said she was optimistic that this week would be a good one, but it sounded like the months-long struggle she’s been navigating got to her on Monday.
“I had a hard day today. I cried all day basically. I got mad today too. I got mad at God,” Amanda acknowledged.
She admitted that she felt bad after her outburst, but she also said that it all needed to come out. Amanda questioned why God couldn’t throw them something good since she had been praying and had a large army of supporters doing the same.
As Amanda’s series of Instagram stories continued, she pointed out that believing in God doesn’t mean she couldn’t question why things were happening.
“I was taught that it is ok to question things in life. I think being brave enough to say it out loud actually acknowledges the fear that you have deep down inside you,” she detailed.
Nick’s wife wrote that it was impossible not to have deep fears about this situation. She had previously talked about how hard she had been praying, noting that sometimes prayers were not answered in the way one hoped to see. Despite believing that, it sounded as if all these worries and big feelings came to a head on Monday.
“I broke big time today; at home, at the hospital in front of doctors and while sitting next to Nick. I couldn’t keep it together,” she wrote.
Amanda pointed out that Monday was Day 89 of this battle for her family. Nick was admitted to the ICU at the end of March, not even knowing at that point that he had COVID-19.
Until a week ago, Amanda could not even visit Nick in person. For the most part, she has managed to maintain a positive attitude, but she’s also been honest about the fact that she can’t always stay that way.
“I acknowledge the day I had. It’s ok. It’s ok to cry, to get mad and say it’s not fair. I will keep my faith and keep asking for miracles. I will put my armour back on and walk taller tomorrow,” Amanda said.
She stated that even though she’d broken down on Monday, she’d be back Tuesday, determined to keep fighting for Nick. Amanda ended the updates by writing that God didn’t expect her, or anyone else, to be perfect.
It has now been 90 days since Nick entered the ICU at Cedars-Sinai hospital. Amanda has been determined to see her husband recover and rejoin his family at home, but it is clear their journey still has a long way to go.