Evangeline Lilly Opens Up About Her Rough Year, Says She ‘Didn’t Want To Be A Dark Cloud’

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Ant-Man and the Wasp actress Evangeline Lilly got very real with her 2.3 million Instagram followers last night. In honor of Flashback Friday, she wrote a lengthy caption on a post about her rough year and her struggles. The caption accompanied two photographs of herself. Lilly credited her 4-year-old son as the photographer.

Both pics showed her sitting on the floor while wearing a black tank top and lighter-colored shorts. In the first image, she looked down, while in the second she gazed solemnly into the camera.

She said that she chose the images because they came from a time when she was brunette, about a year ago. On Thursday, Lilly shared a video of herself showcasing her dramatic blond pixie cut. She asked her followers if they preferred her blond or brunette, and the majority answered that they preferred her as a brunette.

“Yesterday many of you said ‘brunette.’ Well, here she is, about a year ago today. I had such a rough year last year but I didn’t want to share all of it with you because i didn’t want to be a dark cloud in your world,” she started her caption.

From there, Lilly went on to say that she struggled with how to communicate with people over the past year because she only wanted to “put joy in the world” and didn’t want to share the darker parts of her life that would make others sad. She wrote that she often feels “alone and unseen” due to her habit of internalizing pain.

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#fbf #flashbackfriday Yesterday many of you said “brunette”. Well, here she is, about a year ago today. I had such a rough year last year but I didn’t want to share all of it with you because i didn’t want to be a dark cloud in your world. All I’ve ever wanted to do was put joy in the world. To add sunshine. I didn’t want you to be having a perfectly good day and then have my post make you sad. But I struggle deeply with feeling that all I ever am is what I feel everyone else wants and needs me to be. I often feel alone and unseen. . I have always known I was strong. Strong enough, I believed, to hold all my pain and everyone else’s also. So I kept it all inside, kept it to myself, and made space in there to hold your pain, too. Publicly, I hid and made light of my deepest traumas and laughed in the face of my most profound pain. . Until, last year, I broke. Suddenly I was forced to face my weakness and my limitations, my trauma and fears. I was left with no choice but to accept that I am limited or...carry on down a road of perfectionist denial that would inevitably kill me. . I am coming out of that deep place, slowly. As I start to breathe the fresh air, as I start to find my new, limited footing, I feel disconnected from you. I feel it’s pointless to share the light when you don’t know my darkness. I feel lost and apathetic about this space we share. . But I ask myself...would you have wanted to come along in my darkness had I shared it? . ???? taken by my four-year-old son #whenbabieshavecameras . #lightanddarkness

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The former Lost actress didn’t share any personal details about what happened to her in the past year. She admitted to trying to hide her “deepest traumas” from those around her. She acknowledged that in public, she would attempt to maintain a happy persona so that no one would know what was going on beneath the surface. However, eventually, she reached a breaking point and realized she had to accept her limitations.

She concluded her caption by asking her followers whether or not they would have “wanted to come along in my darkness had I shared it?”

Lilly’s honest and raw post attracted a lot of attention from her fans and supporters. It earned over 3,000 comments and greater than 141,800 likes in 14 hours.

Lilly’s honesty touched thousands of people, and many flocked to her comments section to voice their support. Dozens of users called her inspiring for speaking so earnestly about her pain on a public forum and thanked her for helping them through their rough spots.

“Your vulnerability is what makes you strongest. Here for it ALL beautiful one. What you go through, you grow through. Love u,” wrote actress Michelle Monaghan.

“[I]’m in such a dark place right now and struggling to keep going. i really needed something inspiring like this post. thank you Evangeline,” said another user.