Game of Thrones star Maisie Williams seems like she is on top of the world with a hit show and a successful show, but the actress recently opened up about the reality behind the glamour. Williams says that she went through a difficult period where she was riddled with anxiety and depression and that sometimes she didn’t want to be around anymore, according to Hollywood Life.
“I used to tell myself ‘I hate myself,’ like every day, I’d say outwardly to myself,” Williams revealed. “It started just in my head and I would think of something and cringe and feel disappointed and I’d be like, ‘I hate myself.'”
It got worse from there. She says that she would be sitting with a group of friends and she would say that she hated herself outside. She said the thoughts in her head would get so unbearable that she would say things out loud without knowing she had done it.
Then she hit what she calls her rock bottom. A year ago, she says she was in a relationship and after it ended, she headed down a dark path.
“I was just dead-set on being self-destructive – I never really had a good relationship with substances anyway. And then it just all started to sort of come out in those few months. And I just got very, very sad. And yes I had a lot of overwhelming feelings of not really wanting to be here.”
Williams said that she has also struggled with anxiety, which she has used medication and therapy to address. Despite her anxiety, she pushed through her challenges, like appearing in the play I And You and doing a TED Talk.
But even the medication had its downsides. She said that she no longer felt anxious while taking the medication, but she didn’t really feel any emotions at all.
She looked around during the final celebration for Game of Thrones and realized that she wasn’t feeling the laughter, the sadness, and the connection that everyone else was experiencing. Instead, she felt nothing and felt like she had just been floating through her life.
Finally, Williams realized that she had to make a change. As she came out of that period, she says that she looks back and it makes her feel bad to think of where she was because she is in such a good place now. She added that she would never dream of telling herself that she hates herself now.
If you or someone you know is in crisis, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or contact the Crisis Text Line by texting TALK to 741741. For readers outside the U.S., visit Suicide.org or Befrienders Worldwide for international resources you can use to find help.