Chelsea Hander Thinks Robert Mueller Is ‘Incredibly Sexy’

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In her new memoir, Chelsea Handler reveals that she has the “hots” for special counsel Robert Mueller, and doesn’t care who knows it.

PageSix says in her new book, Life Will Be the Death of Me, that the election of Donald Trump caused her to cycle into a midlife crisis which was only soothed by dreams of the “incredibly sexy” Mueller dressed only in his skivvies.

Handler says she’s not joking, as she really finds Mueller attractive.

“I’m not embarrassed by my feelings for Robert Mueller. I am legitimately attracted to him and everything he stands for… I suspect there will be a lot of people naming their baby boys Bob after this whole s — tshow is over.”

The comic is on her way to promote her memoir on a 20 city tour this week, and says she was hopeful that the Mueller report would lead to Trump’s indictment or impeachment, but her book went to press before the special counsel turned in his final report. Handler says she can’t help but be disappointed that as a result of Mueller’s work, there have been no consequences for the president.

In her memoir, Handler talks about her year off from comedy to undergo intensive psychotherapy with Dr. Dan Siegel.

Her prior books have been mostly comedy with serious touches, but this one delves into the deaths of her mother and brother. She says it also touches on why she still doesn’t have a man in her life, and often finds herself involved with much younger men.

And speaking of men, Handler talks about her Mueller fantasies in the memoir, saying that she suspects that the special counsel is a boxers guy, and wears them with a crew neck undershirt. She says that this image helped her through the hard times.

“Through the months of thick fog and despair after the election, he was the one bright spot. I had finally found the first Republican I could see myself being penetrated by.”

But alas, Mr. Mueller is a happily married man who has been with his wife, Ann Cabell Standish, for over 50 years. The Muellers have been spotted around the Washington, D.C. area enjoying quiet dinners throughout the investigation into potential involvement of the Trump administration with Russia and Putin.

Unlike Chelsea Handler, both Mueller and Standish stay off social media, and even have few public photos online, and most of them are from official events.