Hell Has Officially Frozen Over As Polar Vortex Conditions Continue

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If you’ve ever uttered the phrase “when Hell freezes over” or “that’ll be cold day in Hell,” this might just be your day of reckoning. The small town of Hell, Michigan, is the latest frigid casualty in the polar vortex’s attempt to literally freeze the entire Midwest. Temperatures dropped to -15 degrees Fahrenheit, and the windchill made things even worse by plunging to -28 degrees.

As Click on Detroit reported, Hell’s deep-freeze has become so severe that local businesses have closed down. Meanwhile, the town’s frozen residents have been invited to warm up in style at the Hell Saloon. Let’s hope they’re not greeted with pitchforks when they arrive. Traditional vehicles are reportedly being abandoned town-wide as batteries continue to fail. Instead, locals are riding their snowmobiles to Hell’s designated warming center.

Per Roadside America, the small, unincorporated town of Hell is typically a tourist attraction. Visitors can take their photo at the Gates of Hell and the Welcome to Hell sign. The single church is so tiny that it only seats six people, but it’s still possible to have a dream wedding in Hell. Most tourists indulge in an ice cream treat at Hell’s Creamatory, along with getting their mail candle-singed and postmarked as “Been through Hell.” A square inch of Hell can also be purchased for $9.99, which is a big mark-up from the old price of only $6.66.

In 2015, the typically unfrozen town of Hell was put on the market for $1 million. By 2017, the price had been dropped to $900,000, but there were still no takers. WFGR reported that one enterprising individual tried to raise enough money to buy Hell via GoFundMe, but he fell short of his goal.

Hell is far from the only town in Michigan to suffer from the latest polar vortex. Much of southern Michigan was shuttered on January 30, and many businesses and schools remain closed today. An emergency situation also occurred with the area’s heating fuel supplies after a fire broke out at a Consumers Energy plant. The situation was deemed so severe that Governor Gretchen Whitmer authorized the usage of the state’s emergency cellphone alerts to pass the word about conserving energy.

Many tweets pointed out that Hell and all of lower Michigan had hit new lows, which made the area colder than Antarctica and Mars. Bird Box author and Michigan resident Josh Malerman also chimed in with more newsworthy facts about the brutal weather.

WNEM quoted local groundskeeper Jerry Duffie as saying, “it’s a brutal day in Hell.” With subzero temperatures like these, the residents of Hell may soon be wishing for a little fire and brimstone to warm things up.