Cane Toads, Driven Mad With Lust, Ravage 11-Foot Python

If you’ve ever heard a joke about the throbbing urges of teenagers or seen a dog try to hump someone’s leg, then you have a pretty good idea how driven cane toads are when it’s time to mate. Unlike most teenagers, though, cane toads truly will attempt to copulate with anything that comes into their path. Most recently, Twitter user Andrew Mock (@MrMeMock) caught photographic evidence of an entire group of horny toads attempting to get it on with an unsuspecting python.

Mock didn’t realize what he’d actually captured until Australian Museum biologist Jodi Rowley pointed out that the toads weren’t trying to hitch a ride — they were trying to impregnate the snake. Or, as Barney Stinson on How I Met Your Mother once said, they were trying to do “the horizontal, interspecies cha-cha.”

Unfortunately for the frisky amphibians, and fortunately for the python, no amount of such activity is going to get male cane toads anywhere unless they find a willing female of their own species to mate with. According to the BBC, this definitely isn’t due to a lack of trying. Mock told the media outlet that there were “thousands of toads” looking for some fun. The python some of them selected is a frequent visitor to Mock’s property. The snake is more than 11-feet long, and is nicknamed Monty.

Mr. Mock told the BBC a bit more about the snake.

“Monty’s well known to us. He hangs around back of our pool and scares my wife when she’s hanging up our washing.”

Monty exhibited impressive control as the cane toads attempted to copulate with him. This was a smart move, as the sexually-charged toads protect themselves with a toxin that can be deadly to reptiles of all sizes, including crocodiles. It’s no wonder that these creatures have been dubbed an invasive species by the Caribbean Islands.

Monty the python may have also been concerned by the sheer size of these toads. Each toad averages between 3.9 and 5.9 inches in length, and they have a very strong grip. Female cane toads can reach a length of 9.4 inches, which helps explain why the males try to mate with animals and objects that are bigger than them.

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Biologist Jodi Rowley said that she’s had the unpleasant sounding experience of having her hand be the sexual target of cane toads. Rowley also told CBC Radio that she’s even seen them try to mate with a rotting mango.

When asked why male cane toads get so carried away, Rowley revealed that they wait in groups for their opportunity to copulate. The females of the species are much rarer, thereby making it an uphill battle. Rowley elaborated on the details.

“They really just want to make sure that as soon as that female shows up, they’re the one that gets it. So, they have such a reflex to grab onto things.”

There’s no word on whether or not the horny toads in question ever found a female to help them satiate their lust, but Monty the python is almost certainly rooting for them to find pleasure elsewhere.