“Leave now before I call the police.”
Something comfortingly familiar about hearing those words. Ah, good times.
This is Don’t B Nervous Talking 2 Girls, a brand new self-help game that’s just launched on the Xbox Indie Games Channel for 80 Microsoft Points (just under a dollar). Its tagline is self-explanatory: “Are you nervous talking to girls? All you need is practice.”
Naturally, I bought it immediately (for the benefit of this post only, obviously), and almost immediately wished I had bought something really useful instead, like a baseball cap for my Avatar.
The goal of the game is to win the attention of Jessica, a blonde girl in a tight green sweater. This is achieved by correctly answering a bunch of multiple choice questions and then … memorising her ten-digit phone number. Pick the wrong answer to her small talk and you have to try again, or get threatened with the cops. And, uh, that’s it. Well, it is under a dollar. Jessica, incidentally, is pretty, but extremely vapid. Are real women this dull? I’ve not spoken to one since about 2002.
Anyhow, DBNT2G is (surprisingly) verystraight and serious about what it does: a shame, considering the potential for humor here. But then the idea that this was genuinely intended to be a serious learning aid sort of makes it funny again.
Score: Four meals alone in Pizza Express out of ten.