Lance Armstrong Butt Of Late Night Jokes
When Lance Armstrong confessed his doping to Oprah Winfrey, he provided fodder for the former professional cyclist’s many critics. Late night joke writers found plenty of material in it as well.
The seven-time Tour de France cyclist and survivor of testicular cancer agreed to an interview for Winfrey’s OWN television network on Monday and admitted to using performance-enhancing drugs throughout his cycling career, according to Yahoo News.
Jay Leno had his jab:
“According to the CDC, over 128 million flu vaccines have been administered this year. That’s almost as many injections as Lance Armstrong has gotten in his entire career. [Armstrong’s confession] came as a shock to as many as a dozen people.”
Armstrong’s interview with Winfrey, Jimmy Fallon quipped:
“Lasted close to three hours. So it’s sort of like a regular interview but, you know, on steroids.”
Said Regator, Jon Stewart feigned outrage:
“I believed in you Lance Armstrong. I shelled out a dollar for a rubber bracelet I have somewhere in my house. … Well I think we all owe cancer an apology.”
Stewart then continued to poke fun at Winfrey’s recent satellite interview with “CBS This Morning.”
Winfrey told Gayle King in the interview:
“I would say that for myself, my team, all of us in the room, we were mesmerized and riveted by some of [Armstrong’s] answers.”
Stewart responded:
“So you’re saying we should watch it? By the way, that’s not on satellite – Oprah just appears whenever Gayle gazes into a reflective surface.”
David Letterman dedicated his entire “Top Ten List” to the joke with other revelations from Armstrong’s Winfrey interview:
“10. Artificially enhanced his cycling shorts
9. Still never leaves the house without several vials of clean urine
8. Owns Texas real estate known as ‘Rancho Decepto’
7. Took steroids to work up the strength to admit taking steroids
6. Once had an inappropriate relationship with an air hose
5. Also has tattoo of Rex Ryan’s wife
4. Has given up on making the baseball Hall of Fame
3. United States Postal Service paid him in stamps
2. Started erotic website, ‘Tour-De-Pants’
1. Admitted to doping just to get on ‘Oprah'”
Stephen Colbert put another spin on it:
“She sat down … to give us her reaction to what she won’t tell us Lance said, ‘Well I’m sorry Oprah. I am not playing into your little PR stunt. If you will not tell us what happened between you and Lance, I have the responsibility as a journalist to make something up. This just in … Lance Armstrong is banging Oprah.”
Colbert also added:
“Rumors have been swirling for years. But when times got tough for this man, I did not get off the tandem bike of admiration. No, I saddled up, rang the bell of loyalty, put down the kickstand of support and stayed in it to Schwinn it … and I’ve run out of bike metaphors. Point is, this man is a hero. He beat cancer, then he went on to beat something even less popular: the French.”
