'Jennifer Aniston Needs To Fall In Love And Marry A Fat Guy': Wild Reactions To Justin Theroux Split

Sandra Hajda

The internet has been hit with a tsunami of Poor Jen pieces, Men of Jen pictorials, Back with Brad speculation and Justin/Jen Doomed Romance timelines since Jennifer Aniston's publicist confirmed that she and Justin Theroux have split.

Sources claim that hipster-ish New York scenester Justin and mainstream LA-girl Jennifer were just too different to keep it going. One person said that their initial chemistry was so strong, "very real differences" between them were glossed over. The marriage breakdown is the final result of that, according to such sources.

Some claim that the couple had barely seen each other for a year prior to the split, with Jennifer hanging out in LA and Justin staying in New York, promising to go over and see her but rarely doing so.

Predictable speculation that Aniston will get back with her ex-husband Brad Pitt has surfaced. A crop of sometimes sympathetic and sometimes mean-spirited opinion pieces about Aniston's failed relationships have also hit the press.

One writer at Daily Mail even claims to have insider knowledge about how Jennifer herself feels about the "Poor Jen" op-eds.

"Why can't Jennifer Aniston find lasting love?" reads the headline. Writer Alison Boshoff says the "Poor Jen" pieces and "can't keep a man" headlines send the Friends actress into a rage.

"I'm told that those headlines drive her to fits of shrieking fury."

In 2016, Aniston wrote a viral open letter criticizing the press for their speculation about her weight, love life, and childlessness. The essay in the Huffington Post raged about society's treatment of women, the exploitative and sometimes vulture-like conduct of the paparazzi, and the insensitivity and sexism of many opinion-makers.

Aniston wrote the essay at a time when the tabloids were awash with speculation that she may be pregnant. The speculation appeared after bikini pictures surfaced showing Jennifer sporting a bigger belly.

Theroux said at the time that he was proud of her for writing it. He posted a sassy picture of Aniston on Instagram and tagged her as his #WCW (Woman Crush Wednesday).

The beautiful and successful actress made her name and fortune on the iconic sitcom Friends. Aniston was savvy enough to insist that Theroux sign an iron-clad prenup prior to marrying him, and Jennifer's fortune is reportedly 100 percent secure.

Many have weighed in on the Theroux/Aniston split with colorful comments and tweets.

Someone commenting on a Jen's Handsome Exes piece in the Daily Mail said that Jennifer Aniston needs to find a less conventionally attractive man because he would be loyal to her.

"Jennifer Aniston needs to fall in love and marry a fat guy. He'll treat her like a goddess and won't ever abandon her. He'll be so grateful that she chose him that he'll be devoted to her forever."

In 2008, Lori Gottlieb wrote a piece for the Atlantic encouraging successful career women to be more realistic and settle for "Mr. Good Enough."

"My advice is this: Settle! That's right. Don't worry about passion or intense connection. Don't nix a guy based on his annoying habit of yelling 'Bravo!' in movie theaters. Overlook his halitosis or abysmal sense of aesthetics."

Reactions to the shock split are still coming. One witty tweeter went viral playing with the title format of Friends episodes from the 90s, which always started with the words "The One Where" (e.g., "The One Where Rachel Quits") or "The One with" (e.g. "The One with the Dental Floss").

Someone else thought Jennifer Aniston had gotten engaged to the leader of Canada and she missed it.

People are already anticipating that the Daily Mail will dig up a woman that Justin Theroux apparently cheated with.