Would you spend $30 on an app to decode your baby’s cries?

This kind of seems like one of those things that sounds crucial when you’re expecting a baby, but after five minutes with an actual baby, you realize it’s probably totally pointless.

If you’ve ever dealt with more than one baby, you know some babies will sob rather calmly regardless of need while some will shriek like they’re being murdered when they want to be held or when they’ve got a half-teaspoon of moisture in their diapers. But Biloop Technologic claims that science supports their new “Cry Translator” iPhone app- from their website, a blurb about the studies that lead the the “96% accuracy” rate:

Dr. Antonio Portugal Ramírez, M.D. and Chief of Operations of Pediatric Services at Clinic Hospital Juaneda Menorca, Spain conducted a clinical study of the Cry Translator between December 15, 2008 and January 6, 2009. The objective of the study was to validate the diagnostic capability of the Cry Translator.

A total of 140 children from 0 to 2 years of age participated with a random sample of 104 children used in the analysis. Of those included in the test group:

> 54% of participants were male; 46% female
> 72% originated from Europe, 4% Sub-Saharan, 4% Orientals and 8% Latino Americans
> 77 % of the tests were conducted with children who visited the Clinic
> 33 % of the tests were conducted with children hospitalized in the Clinic

Is “Orientals” an acceptable clinical term? In any event, a reported “96% of the babies ceased crying after following the suggestions indicated on the symptom chart,” which does leave an average of 4% wailing babies even if you buy the app. Interestingly, one of the bigger health/science stories yesterday was that babies have just been shown to cry “in their native languages.” Not to worry- the Cry Translator maintains a high 96% accuracy rate for babies of all language backgrounds – even Orientals!

The “Cry Translator” is available for a steep $29.99 after 11/11, on sale for $9.99 before that date in the app store.