Warning: The following post regarding internet personality Krissychula contains potential spoilers for HBO’s Game of Thrones.
“It’s Hot as Hell” comedy queen Krissychula has returned to YouTube and is ready to rant about the new, upcoming season of the HBO mega-hit, Game of Thrones.
Before digging her heels into the next to last season of the George R.R. Martin epic, which starts its 10-episode run on July 16, the hilarious ranter revisited last year’s game-changing Season 6 finale, “The Winds of Winter,” in a new video shared to YouTube on Saturday.
Before jumping into the recap, Krissychula, or Krystal, apologizes to viewers for taking some necessary time off from the video-sharing site recently.
“I lost one of the most important people in my life,” she wistfully explains of her absence, “and I’ve been trying to deal with that. But, I’m here [now].”
After a breath of reassurance, Krystal jumps right to the actions of her favorite character on Game of Thrones, the spunky assassin, young Arya (Maisie Williams) of House Stark, daughter of the late Ned and Catelyn, and Krissy’s main “b***h.”
“[Arya] clapped back!,” the funny woman expresses with glee over the youngest Stark child’s sweet revenge on Lord Walder Frey, who ordered the bloody “Red Wedding” in GoT Season 2 that saw Arya’s mother and Robb Stark, her eldest brother and then-king of the North, killed as part of a mass assassination plot.
“My b***h did it! She did it,” Krissychula says over and over.
“And it was glorious!”
Following a subsequent, pride-filled freak out over Arya’s other accomplishments, Krystal blesses the revenge-seeking Stark as being “masterful” beyond her young years.
“She killed [Lord Frey’s] kids and then, she cooked them [in a pie],” Krystal states.
“And then, she made him eat it. That’s masterful. Put that s**t in the MOMA. [Arya] is an artist!”
A few sung bars by Krissychula — which is nothing more than the line “dead, dead, dead” in a rhythmic style to further gloat on Arya getting her kill-fill — eventually leads to the YouTube star turning her attention to the character who last gained control of the famed Iron Throne of and all the power that comes with it at the end of Season 6 of Game of Thrones, the nefarious and incestuous Queen Cersei Lannister (Lena Headey).
Who, for the record, Krystal is not too much of a fan of.
“Cersei on the Iron Throne? Hell no!,” she says of Cersei claiming control of the Seven Kingdoms last year after her last heir, son King Tommen Baratheon (Dean-Charles Chapman), leaped to his death just moments after his wife, Margaery Tyrell (Natalie Dormer), and thousands of others were blown up with Wildfire as part of a revenge plot planned by Cersei herself.
“She can [sit] her a** on a silver, a gold, a bronze, a copper, a plutonium, [a] uranium [or even] a potassium throne,” Krissy fires back.
“But not on [the] damn Iron Throne! No, won’t, will not, shant!,” she continues in her hilarious rebuke of Cersei holding the “chair.”
After a moment of reflection, however, Krissychula does, at least, give Cersei a bit of approval in the way the wine-loving queen of the “clap back” pulled the explosive move off.
“I guess if I had to blow people up, I’d use The Secret of the Ooze, too,” she jokes about Cersei’s Wildfire usage.
Krystal first gained notoriety on the internet through another hilarious, expletive-laced rant on the rising temperatures of summer and her outright annoyance with the unbearable heat in 2013, as the Huffington Post Canada notes, in a YouTube video that ultimately went viral.
Season 7 of Game of Thrones airs Sunday, July 16 on HBO. For now, however, check out Krissychula’s hilarious Season 6 Game of Thrones recap in full below (please be advised that the video is somewhat NSFW).
[Featured Image by Alberto E. Rodriguez/Getty Images]