Poo hit the proverbial fan for one family man who was forced to deal with the gross clean-up of his infant daughter’s fecal matter “explosion” in his Nebraska home, according to the New York Post.
Omaha native Jesse Mab-Phea Hill relayed on Facebook last Friday that he was just looking to indulge in some “me time” after first completing his morning chores of dropping his son Jesse off at school, walking the dogs, and ensuring that his baby girl, Alessandra, was soundly napping upstairs in her bedroom.
“I had the house to myself and was taking full advantage of watching unimpeded YouTube videos,” Hill explained, “[when I] decided I wanted a piece of the chocolate cake we made for Jesse’s Cub Scout [meeting], so I made my way up to the main floor.”
As Hill made his way to the delicious brown-colored delicacy, he said that his nose caught an all-too-familiar whiff of something else that’s occasionally brown, but nowhere near as tasty (well, for most, anyway).
“As I’m going upstairs, I smell something foul,” Hill continued.
“I scan the basement from the stairs, [first] thinking the dogs dropped a deuce before I let them outside. I see nothing and then, my blood runs cold when I realize the stink is coming from the upper floor.”
Racing to Alessandra’s room out of fear, Jesse went on to relay that he stepped into his child’s bedroom and came face to face with his smiling infant — without her diaper on.
“There she is, standing at the baby gate,” Hall detailed, “butt naked, holding her diaper, [and] covered head to toe in her own crap.
“[And] I’m not talking a little poop here and there on her. I’m talking layered on globs of human fecal matter covering her arms, legs, face and hair. It’s bad. [In fact], it’s worse then any other time she decided to explore in her diaper.”
Even worse for the disgusted dad, little Alessandra had somehow managed to smear the contents of her poo-filled diaper all around the bedroom, from her toys to her crib, which ultimately created the appearance of a messy and nausea-inducing explosion of human waste.
(Warning: Photos of the “poo explosion” aftermath can be viewed below. Please proceed cautiously.)
“Everything on the right side of [her] room [was] covered in steaming baby crap,” Hall wrote.
“The walls, the toys, the windows, the curtains, the play bench, the floor, the baby piano, my hopes, all covered in crap. It looked like a real category 5 sh** storm blew through her room [or] ‘Hurricane S***rina,’ if you will,” he joked.
“I was tempted to close her door and wait till [my partner] Mayra got home so she would have to deal with it, but yesterday was Mother’s Day [in Mexico] and I didn’t want to be a d***.”
Begrudgingly but lovingly, Jesse did the dirty work of cleaning his daughter up (“I used two fingers on both hands to lift her by her armpits and shuffle the two of us off to the bathroom,” he noted), but the bedroom ultimately required the assistance of Mayra, who eventually returned home from her day shift to take on job No. 2, so to speak.
— Daily Star (@Daily_Star) May 19, 2017
“Two rolls of paper towels, five stolen gym towels, one bottle of [Pine-Sol], one bottle of bleach, one big bag of crap covered toys and 2 1/2 hours later, her room still smells like a dumpster fire,” he later remarked.
“I swear I do everything I can to show these kids I love them, but they turn on me when I least expect it.”
Since posting the poo explosion story to Facebook, Hall’s hilarious recollection has been shared on the social media site more than 100,000 times by folks who sympathize with the doo-doo cleaning dad.
“Alessandra is [still] my favorite daughter,” the poo explosion cleaner said in closing, “but [she’s my second] favorite kid right now.”
[Featured Image by Renphoto/iStock]