Kate Middleton is renowned for her conservative dress sense, unspectacular hairstyle, and strict dietary regime, but has the Duchess of Cambridge’s humble and earnest demeanor earned herself an unenviable reputation as something of a boring prude with the rest of the royal clan, particularly Camilla Parker Bowles?
Kate Middleton is a lot of things to a lot of people, but the Duchess of Cambridge is not exactly renowned for being a party animal who struts her stuff with dash and panache.
Lest we forget, Kate is not of noble stock, but from the common breed. Her great-great grandfather was a coal miner, more accustomed to dirty faces and coarse hands than velvet cushions and stiff upper lips.
Apparently, friends of the Duchess of Cambridge at Marlborough boarding school nicknamed Kate the “princess in waiting” because of her long cherished dream to wear the glass slipper and bag herself a prince.
Even after Kate Middleton became engaged to Prince William, cruel rumors abounded that whenever the Duchess entered the room, friends of the prince would whisper “doors to manual,” a mocking jibe in relation to Carole Middleton’s previous career as an air hostess.
Such slings and arrows of outrageous fortune didn’t stop our Kate, and with the same grunt and groan work ethic best exemplified by Kate’s mom, Carole Middleton, who has made her online Party Pieces company a million-dollar success, the Duchess dug her heels in deep and had her day at Westminster Abbey.
Yet snobbish attitudes towards the “commoner” appear to be very much alive and kicking and perpetually turning their nose up in disgust whenever the Duchess walks into the room.
In the British press, Kate has become outrageously known as the “Duchess of Do-Little” and “throne idle.”
Both references are riddled and laced with a heady dose of class prejudice. Which is unfair because poor Kate has tried her damnedest to ditch the trashy outfits of yesteryear and the harsh twang of a County Durham accent, which would appear to suggest an instinctive love of greyhounds and meat pies.
And although the rest of the world now gushes at how the Duchess of Cambridge appears to personify elegance, grace, and a regal bearing, there’s always the slight hint that Kate may be as dull as ditchwater compared with a few of the other royals who like to party hard and indulge their every whim.
Take Prince Harry for example. Shooting rabbits, smoking marijuana, killing buffalo, scuffles with photographers, dressing up as a nazi when attending a “colonials and natives” themed party, and getting all wide-eyed and butt-naked in Las Vegas can all be safely crossed off the man who was once dubbed the ‘”ginger ninja’s” to do list.
And then there’s Prince Andrew. Whose pampered and indulgent lifestyle has almost become a thing of legend, not least for his relationships with disgraced US financier and convicted pedophile Jeffrey Epstein.
Let’s not forget Queen Victoria’s eldest son, Edward VII. The royal playboy certainly didn’t inherit his mother’s conservative ways.
A young adulthood free of responsibility, combined with the trappings of wealth, conspired to give Prince Bertie the chance to indulge himself in all manner of hedonistic pursuits, from gambling and shooting to drinking and smoking.
His biggest vice, however, was for the ladies and his affairs were legendary. As was his notorious three-way love seat, which the young royal was said to conquer gay Parie with.
The most impressive notch on have-a-go Bertie’s bedpost was rumored to be one Lady Randolph Churchill, the mother of future Prime Minister Winston Churchill. Which gives new meaning to the term constitutional monarchy.
The women members of the Windsor clan are also no strangers to a little bit of flamboyant debauchery.
Take Queen Elizabeth’s sister Princess Margaret for example. Loved by the paparazzi, loved by the men, the younger sister of the Queen was a born party girl.
She loved both the high life and the rougher sex. The Countess of Snowdon never married her first love, divorced Group Captain Peter Townsend, but she later wed Lord Snowdon before welcoming a string of other men to her bed. Including Roddy Llewellyn, who was 17 years her junior.
It’s rumored Princess Margaret even had an affair with Mick Jagger, but it’s debatable if she got any satisfaction from that particular dalliance.
Which brings us nicely to Camilla Parker Bowles. The Duchess of Cornwall may now be more affectionally known as “horse-face” by the hordes of flag-waving royalists, who view her as safe and reliable as a sturdy pair of old boots, but once upon a time in the Swinging Sixties she was known as a “man-eater.”
The Daily Mail reports that a new book by interior decorator Imogen Thomas, entitled On The Fringe, reveals how Camilla loved to party and party hard!
Obviously, no matter if you’re a regal eagle or a common tart, in-laws are always a judgmental lot, and is a more wise, more mature, but still fiercely free-spirited Camilla now taking stock of Kate Middleton’s sober and clean-living ways, and perhaps thinking, “Let down you hair and live a little you prissy-faced, boring b***h.”
Who knows how the refined minds of the royals work.
Obviously, Kate has had her Marilyn Monroe moments. In her wilder days she dressed in garish hot-pants and has even been caught sun-bathing topless, but as of yet, the prudish Princess remains squeaky clean of the odious taint of a right royal scandal.
And that’s probably exactly how her more adventurous and less dignified in-laws would prefer to keep it.
After all, someone’s got to maintain standards, and although Kate may be as common as muck, at least she doesn’t wallow in it.
[Featured Image by Richard Pohle-Pool/Getty Images]