Hands Free ‘Sperm Extractor’ Introduced At Chinese Hospital [Video]

A hands free “sperm extractor” has been introduced at a hospital in Nanjing, China, according to the Daily Mail. The device is designed for those who wish to make a seminal contribution yet do not have the wherewithal to make it happen. Apparently this is a major problem for some people in clinical settings, prompting a company to create an expensive contraption to aid in the sperm extraction process.

The sperm extractor in question, which is a peculiar pink, grey, and white, comes equipped with a so-called “massage pump” that men are encouraged to insert their equipment into should the manual extraction process prove cumbersome. Since not all men are created equally, the device can be adjusted to handle gentlemen of many different heights.

The Business Standard reports that the sperm extractor is packaged with a handy screen that can play a wide variety of dirty movies should the stimulation process also prove to be more than a little difficult. The sperm extractor’s manufacturer explained that the massage pump’s speed, frequency, amplitude, and temperature can all be controlled, allowing for a very pleasant experience for the user.

Zhengzhou Central Hospital’s urology department is reportedly using the machine at its fertility clinic in order to help those patients who view sperm donation as an extremely nerve-racking process. Although having an expensive porn-playing gadget handle your business seems even more terrifying than masturbating inside a doctor’s office, apparently the people who operate the gizmo know what they’re doing.

If you’re looking to purchase a sperm extraction machine for you or someone you love this holiday season, all you’ll need is around $3,000. Until the creators develop a self-cleaning unit, I doubt the device will be popular outside of clinical settings. A video of the aforementioned machine in action — minus the willing human participant, of course — has been embedded below.