Drunk Woman Headed To Prison For Stealing Boat While Yelling ‘I’m Jack Sparrow!’

A very drunk and disorderly woman was sentenced to quite a bit of time in prison for stealing a boat while proclaiming to the world that she’s Captain Jack Sparrow of Pirates of the Caribbean fame. According to Gawker, inebriated boating enthusiast Alison Whelan will spend 122 days cooling her heels in a cell, which should make her think twice before dragging the good pirate Sparrow’s name though the mud ever again.

51-year-old Whelan was in the middle of a two-day bender when she decided to steal a 100-seat ferry back in September of 2011. Having consumed a fair amount of Lambrini and several hallucinogenic plants, Whelan was clearly in no shape to be doing anything, let alone piloting a large watercraft she didn’t own.

The Sun explains that, at one point during Whelan’s drunken shenanigans, she placed a quick call to 999, claiming that she was suffering from a seizure. Police and paramedics wasted no time rushing to the scene of the crime. Instead of turning herself over to police, the woman cut the boat loose and began drifting away from authorities.

“I’m Jack Sparrow! I’m a pirate!” she yelled as the boat floated away. As police closed in, Whelan shouted, “I believe this is out of your jurisdiction.” The boat, which police claimed hit other vessels in the area like “a pinball machine,” suffered quite a bit of damage during the woman’s drunken excursion.

Naturally, local authorities were not amused with the woman’s antics. “This lady put the police, ambulance and coastguard to an awful lot of trouble,” Clare Pearson explained to The Sun. “The amount of people called out to recover the boat and the damage caused to other vessels made it quite an expensive night.”

For her crimes, Whelan, who is an alleged alcoholic on the waiting list for a liver transplant, was found guilty of all charges. Like it or not, she’ll be booze-free behind bars for around 122 days.