Vitamix Blender Love Story: Woman Selling $400 Vitamix Blender On Craigslist From Lawyer Ex Writes Funny Ad

Folks who love smoothies and the like know how valuable a great Vitamix blender can be. Heck, the “Vitamix 5200 Series Blender, Black” by Vitamix goes for nearly $450 on Amazon, at least for the brand new Vitamix blenders that come with a boatload of glowing reviews. Even smoothie stores like Robeks use Vitamix blenders.

Now a woman’s Vitamix blender for sale on Craigslist is going viral due to the story behind the Vitamix blender sale. The Craigslist ad, titled “Wanna put my tender heart in a blender – $400 (Brooklyn),” has caught the attention of Newser and plenty of others who find the heartbreaking blender sales text pretty funny.

The reconditioned Vitamix 5200 series blender was purchased by a corporate lawyer, according to the unnamed seller on Craigslist, at an odd time during their relationship — during the break-up period.

The viral Craigslist ad begins with the admonition that people should never date a corporate lawyer — especially one that the Craigslist ad writer met on Tinder that makes more than triple her salary. The attorney “ghosted” her after the first day, which means that he disappeared without a trace.

Eventually, the lawyer told her that he was searching for “something specific,” which apparently wasn’t her. The attorney ended up apologizing so she gave him another chance. The writer called her lawyer boyfriend kind, unlike other corporate lawyers — and tried to convince her friends that he was a person with values and sensitivity.

The “Vitamix Blender Love Story“– as New York Magazine calls the viral Craigslist ad — goes on to say how much the writer believed she was in love. Trying to prove she wasn’t after the lawyer’s money, the writer claimed that she spent a ton of her own money on dates.

However, things changed from going swimmingly well when the couple watched a movie that was against monogamy. The lawyer freaked out and delved into his 80-hour workweeks instead of meeting her family. She could feel the lawyer’s feelings change toward her — with the attorney growing more boring and less attractive. He admitted that he wanted to leave her at times.

The coup de grace happened when the duo traveled to upstate New York to hang out with the attorney’s friends. It was a group that was way more successful than the writer — and the weight of that fact shot down her confidence. The lawyer began to view her negatively, later coming to her house in panic mode — sad because of how happy they used to be.

With his doubts about her attractiveness and his negative viewpoint toward the writer, the lawyer was in break-up mode. The writer goes on to explain the break-up gift of a Vitamix blender — as well as her newfound single status.

“He clearly wants to break up, but makes you do it. It’s the day after your birthday. A few days later, this Vitamix arrives at your door. Either he wants you back, or he does not understand the human species.”

“He does not understand the human species. Who buys someone they’re dumping a Vitamix? He wants to be the hero of this story: ‘I got this girl an epic birthday gift and then we broke up.’ He wants me to remember him fondly. I can’t abide it. I had fleeting Hollywood fantasies about smashing it in the street, but that’s for waif-bots. I’m not gonna ruin a perfectly good blender. Yet, sitting on my microwave, it looks exactly like the Wappen & Kladden building. I am afraid of it. Please help me.”

“It’s a certified reconditioned 5200 series. It comes in the box with a 5-year warranty and a recipe book. I am also available for dates.”

[Image via Shutterstock]