Hillary Clinton, Wrestling Clowns, And The Trojan Horse Called Feminism

Women can now be drafted in America.

Oh yay, feminism!

Hang on… did you say draft? Umm. When are you planning on enacting that exactly? Just wondering. Oh, it’s just an update? Oh, okay.

Uh. Excuse me again. I’ve just been thinking. Why do you need to update the policy on forcing people to fight in wars against their will if you’re not going to use it? If it’s a redundant policy, you probably don’t need to update it, do you? No, no, don’t get defensive, I’m just wondering. It just seems weird. It’s like updating the policy on horse-and-cart by-laws, or slavery, or witch-hunts, right? I mean, why would you pull up a redundant piece of legislation and revamp it just for a laugh?

It’s not because… it’s not because you want to use it… is it?

Ugh. That little nugget of information, hidden inside a policy update, should drive a stake of fear in the heart of everyone with kids, or grandkids, or who knows kids, or who are kids.

And all hidden in the trojan horse of feminism.

Theme of the year, huh? Hillary Clinton is another Trojan horse dressed up as feminism. “Bring in the feminist!” they cried, and the horns tooted, and we cheered – because we have to; we’re not allowed to not cheer or else we’re not feminists – and out popped one of the most audacious examples of hawkish patriarchal imperialism the world has ever seen, funded to the hilt by the corporate war machine, with plenty of favors to pay back.

We keep clapping, trying to keep the horror from our faces because she’s looking straight at us – don’t look in her eyes, don’t look in her eyes. Eek. When did the face of feminism become so ghoulish? I somehow thought the first female president would look more like Mother Earth, and less like Cruella DeVille.

Hillary got in quick with her endorsement of the women-get-to-be-in-the-draft amendment, of course. Oh, isn’t it fantastic that women can now be forced to kill children from other countries? I’m so pleased. All I’ve ever wanted for my daughter is to ensure that she gets to be legally compelled into murdering people too. I’ve been up nights thinking “I really hope for my daughter that one day, in the not-too-distant future, her only choice in life will be murdering people, or prison.”

Yup. That’s equality, folks.

Dear God. Help us.

The way I see it, we have two actual choices, and no, I’m not talking about the choice between the ghoul or the orange clown. No. I’m talking about the choice between world war three – with a draft now, how fun – or Bernie’s revolution.

Now, I don’t know if Bernie will win. He’s taking it to the convention with a strong case, the chance of having a win in California under his belt, and hugely strong polling. But even he says the path to nomination is very slim.

But I sure as heck can’t back that other (Trojan) horse.

I will not side with the dark. I can’t side with the dark, no matter how scared I get. I cannot choose their ghoulish savior just because they threaten me with even worse things if I don’t choose the evil I know.

There are no even worse things. There are no even worse things than World War Three and human-extinction levels of climate change. Are there? What could be worse? There are no worse things than that.

I know that in my guts. I will not choose World War Three and human extinction because they tell me that, if I support Bernie, the orange guy will win.

He’s a villain straight out of the WWE, I remind myself. He’s an actor, a professional heel, and it’s his job to scare me. He was great at it in the WWE. They even put him in the Hall of Fame, and he’s doing the job of his life at it right now.

He’s not the real threat. He’s the clown at the door trying to scare me into running back into my cell.

I must go with Bernie. He’s the way out. And he’s right here. All I have to do is walk with him. Take his hand. March with him and all the other fearless ones in the direction towards peace, unity, and a healthy future.

And whether we make it or not, at least we will be on the right side of history.

[Photo by Kris Connor/Getty Images for EMILY’s List]