Kanye West declares self “new king of pop”

This was not sourced from The Onion.

The sense of loss and deep, resonating sadness many Americans feel following the unexpected death of Michael Jackson last month has been mitigated slightly as Kanye West stepped forward to claim the throne as King of Pop. At least, Kanye thinks so.

West, known worldwide for his modesty and sense of perspective when it comes to evaluation of his work, importance, and relevance to music and the world as a whole, previously worked under another self-bestowed title- the International Asshole. However, Kanyeezy has graciously and judiciously claimed the vacant crown, allowing Americans to breathe easy and allaying fears that marauding pop-stars from places like Europe or Sweden could take control of our destabilized pop-monarchy, bringing all shades of socialized medicine here and stealing our jerbs.

Kanye gave a short speech on the matter to something called “Scrape TV”:

“You know everyone loves and respects Michael but times change. It’s so sad to see Michael gone but it makes a path for a new King of Pop and I’m willing to take that on. There’s nobody who can match me in sales and in respect so it only makes sense for me to take over Michael’s crown and become the new King.

“First there was Elvis, then there was Michael, now in the 21st century it’s Kanye’s time to rule. I am the new King of Pop.”