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Vanessa Bayer’s Sunday Routine Proves You Can Order Anything In New York

By Sarah Field
Published on: 07:51 PST, May 8, 2016

After Saturday Night Live signs off and the wrap party concludes, Vanessa Bayer gets home at about 5 a.m. It’s not surprising that she eventually rolls out of bed on Sunday late in the afternoon, when she orders food, watches television and meditates on her couch. That’s according to Bayer’s own account in the Sunday Routine pages of The New York Times.

In addition to revealing some frustrations she experiences as she rolls out of bed — sometimes she’ll walk downstairs to the living room only to realize she’s forgotten her slippers — Bayer proves herself to be adept at what may be particularly easy in New York: ordering out. She admits it’s the perfect city for people who just don’t want to cook or even leave the house.

“People think New York is crazy and busy, but it’s actually a great place for lazy people to live. You can order microwaveable popcorn! I’ll order, like, those bags of it.”

But since a couple of bags of microwaveable popcorn don’t meet the delivery minimum, Bayer adds more items to her order, such as laundry detergent. In her comedic summary of her Sunday, Bayer admits to sometimes ordering out three times in a day — including healthy options like salad or sushi for dinner.

Bayer’s description of the anxiety caused by ordering in bagels and coffee — will it be soiled with spilled coffee or not toasted? — struck a chord with Jen Carlson, writing for Gothamist. Carlson, relating to Bayer’s anxiety, wrote that an incorrect bagel delivery can throw off what would otherwise be a great weekend.

“Other things that can, and will, happen when you order a bagel for delivery: It will come toasted, but BURNT; the bagel was toasted, but now it’s cold; they have skimped on the cream cheese; the amount of disappointment and anger you feel over all of this makes you feel shame for ordering a bagel in the first place and now this simple thing has RUINED SUNDAY.”

Bayer, for her part, said that when the bagel shop forgets to toast her bagel, “I’d say it takes me a good 10 minutes to get over it.” Apparently, when she lived in a different part of the city near New York University, it wasn’t an issue she normally dealt with because that bagel shop always got it right.

Vanessa Bayer has brought numerous celebrity impressions to Saturday Night Live, including Miley Cyrus and, earlier this year, Jennifer Aniston. She’s also the actor behind beloved characters Jacob the Bar Mitzvah Boy and kid actor Laura Parsons, who made an appearance on Saturday night’s episode. Last fall, Bayer used Twitter to acknowledge a fellow Saturday Night Live alum Melanie Hutsell, calling the blonde comedian one of her heroes.

Last summer, Vanessa Bayer starred opposite Amy Schumer in Trainwreck. Although she told Vogue she’d never met the Comedy Central comedian before auditioning for the role, it turned out they had mutual acquaintances and their social and professional circles had just never overlapped. Upon meeting, the two performers immediately connected. Bayer called Schumer a friend on social media when Schumer hosted SNL in October.

Trainwreck also starred another SNL alum, Bill Hader, but as a romantic lead. She told Vogue it was odd to see Hader in that context because he’d always treated her like a little sister when they were both cast members on the sketch comedy show. Hader in a romantic context was, according to Bayer, “Ew!”

Saturday Night Live airs on NBC.

[Photo by Imeh Akpanudosen/Getty Images]

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