Johnny Depp’s adventures in Australian dog smuggling has become a “treasure trove” of fodder for comedians, amateur and professional alike. This especially applies to the stilted, awkward, and obviously staged apology to the country by Depp and his wife, Amber Heard.
For those who have been left out of the loop, the famous couple were busted smuggling two Yorkies, named Pistol and Boo, into the country, while Depp was down under filming a new installment of Pirates of the Caribbean.
Smuggling pets into Australia is strictly forbidden. Dogs and other animals are required to be quarantined upon entering the country. But the Depps flew Pistol and Boo in on a private jet.
When checking into customs, Amber Heard marked on her paperwork that she had nothing to declare. Unfortunately, the illegally imported dogs were rooted out later in a Gold Coast grooming shop.
What followed were months of escalating verbal jabs conducted between Depp and the now Prime Minister of Australia, Barnaby Joyce. The following is as stated in an Inquisitr article.
“Pistol and Boo were ordered by Agriculture Minister (now elevated to Prime Minister) Barnaby Joyce to ‘bugger off’ out of the country, and given ten days to do it, or he might just have the pups euthanized.”
Johnny Depp resorted to name-calling after this threat, calling Joyce a “sweaty-pated gut man.”
He added that if his wife was thrown in jail for smuggling dogs, he’d just “fly to Australia and assault that man.”
“So that I could go to jail.”
But the responsibility was primarily on Amber Heard’s shoulders, as she was the one who had incorrectly marked the paperwork. Dog detail is a task, she said, usually reserved for her “husband’s people.”
The Hollywood couple was called back to Australia to face the judge on April 18, wherein Heard faced a potential $77,000 fine, or ten years in jail.
Depp and Heard made a momentously lumbering apology video, which was played before the court during the hearing, while Depp reportedly dozed off.
The video has Depp and Heard sitting side by side, reciting Australia’s glowing attributes in a hollow, self-conscious fashion.
The judge gave Amber a slap on the wrist in the form of a $1,000 bond, and let the couple jet off on their merry way.
Prime Minister Joyce denied having any part of directing the video. But he was not above jeering at the production, which he said needed “more gusto.”
“He looks like he’s auditioning for ‘The Godfather‘.”
On Saturday, a sister and brother from Adelaide, Sam and Annie, made their own apology video. Their father, Sasha told 9news.com.au. that he wanted to “out-parody” the Depp-Heard apology.
“Like most people who saw Depp and Heard’s apology, I found it utterly hilarious in its insincerity.”
The children, instead of describing Australia with its plants and animals, describe their home as a “treasure trove of unique floors, walls and cupboards.”
“Mum and Dad are unique. Both warm and direct. When you disrespect their rules they will tell you firmly.”
Sasha added that he knew his kids would be perfect for the respective roles.
“I knew my daughter would be into it and I knew Sam would hate it.”
Stephen Colbert also had a field day with the “War on Terrior” apology video, making his own version of it.
“This video truly touched me, and I too realized that I owe Australia a very, very, big apology.”
Stephen Colbert was not alone in setting up a version of the apology using the “hostage” angle.
Community Channel took the idea a step farther.
Reactions to the Community Channel version of the video, and indeed, to the situation in general, have been mixed. One viewer, Bellabana, wrote the following.
“So I guess it doesn’t matter to you that Australia has strict quarantine laws for a reason? Who cares that we don’t have RABIES, pest & other diseases prevalent in the U.S. and other parts of the world, right? That we shouldn’t protect our native wildlife & ecosystem, such a small thing. Instead let us apologize & bow down to rich famous celebrities & allow them to bring their dogs in unchecked despite the fact they could have easily spread harmful diseases we don’t have here when Amber took them to a local dog grooming salon, silly us right? Keeping celebrities happy & being liked means more than our ‘Quarantine Act’ right??? Gee we’re such big meanies looking after the welfare our country!”
Another viewer simply pointed out that, “Australians don’t have guns, they have boomerangs.”
Under the joking, there lies a serious issue, over which the debate continues. Did Australia take too hard a line over the Pistol and Boo incident? Are they taking advantage of Johnny Depp’s celebrity status to send a message? Or was Johnny Depp using his celebrity status to try to get away with something?
[Photo by Australian Government/AP Video]