Although flatulent fantasist Donald Trump would like to consider himself the Axl Rose of politics, it’s unhinged hip hopper Kanye West who is the flame-haired cock rocker’s real soulmate, according to former Guns N’ Roses guitarist DJ Ashba.
As we travel down life’s highways and byways, the sight of something unpleasant and upsetting, often catches our eye in the rearview mirror, and temporarily ruins the journey.
For some, Donald Trump is that toxic unpleasantness, which once witnessed, sits heavily in our stomach, like a prime slice of undigested offal or super-strength bacteria, that remains curiously immune to the most potent antibiotics.
Trump, on the one hand, considers himself not so much a pestilent plague sent to darken our days and stalk our thoughts like an apocalyptic curse straight from the pages of the Old Testament, but more as the Axl Rose of politics.
Now, while you can call Axl Rose a lot of things, to call him Donald Trump is beyond the pale.
But that’s exactly what Trump did in not so many words, according to former Guns N’ Roses manager Doug Goldstein.
Think Donald Trump, and you think flabby features, a hysterical hairdo, ill-fitting suits, the spoilt perfumed aroma of low-level corruption, and a slightly nasal whine which keeps on whining, but when Trump looks in the mirror he doesn’t see a portly presidential hopeful gone to seed, he sees a lycra short clad rock n’ roll wild-man who once fronted the most dangerous band in the band and could have his pick of all the slick chicks.
It’s no secret that Trump is a hard rocking son of a you-know-what with a booming baritone and self-esteem issues, and probably in his younger years could have made the grade in one of the lesser cock rock acts such as Quiet Riot, Ratt, or perhaps even Stryper, but to compare himself with Axl Rose is a sure sign Donald’s always been a firm believer in punching above his weight.
According to Goldstein, Trump made the comparison when he came backstage at a Guns N’ Roses gig at Madison Square Garden in 1992.
“We’re playing five shows at Madison Square Garden in 1992. I hear, ‘Is Doug Goldstein around?’ I look, and it’s Donald Trump… I said, ‘Yeah, this is Doug Goldstein.’ He said, ‘Can you make a pass for me?’ I said, ‘Yeah sure.’
“So, being quizzical, I said, ‘Why are you here?’ He said, ‘I want to meet the Donald Trump of rock and roll.’ I said, ‘I give up.’ He said, ‘You know Doug, when you’re an underdog, everybody puts you to the top. Press, your fans, and once you get to the top, they jerk your a** back to the ground. That’s what Axl Rose is.’ So I introduced Axl to him after the show.”
“Welcome to the Jungle, baby!” [Photo by John Moore/Getty Images]
It’s not certain what Trump and Rose talked about when they met, perhaps Donald pointed at Axl’s famous skimpy lycra shorts and asked, “Where can I get me some of them boy?” Who knows! But no-one’s ever compared Trump to Rose again since.
However, former Guns N’ Roses guitarist DJ Ashba has recently pointed out the shocking similarities between his old master, sorry, employer, and reckless rapper Kanye West.
Obviously, both West and Rose are masters of their craft and gifted mavericks who are prone to fantastically nonsensical outbursts and peculiarly passionate protests.
The rocker and the rapper are also twisted geniuses of self-sabotage and artful architects of their own misfortune.
Yet, the parallel lines between the two don’t end there. DJ Ashba explained to U.S. radio service SiriusXM that Axl Rose behaves exactly like Kanye West if you make him angry. Now, while you may be tempted to say, “What, like an extremely over-indulged and stroppy toddler whose tantrums would shame the hulk,” Ashba qualifies his statement by mysteriously hinting, “If you cross him (Axl) he can turn more into the Kanye side of things.”
“Axl’s definitely, definitely a unique character. He has a very tight-knit circle and I was fortunate enough to be part of that. And he’s always treated me like gold. I have not a bad word to say. Although I do know if you cross him he can turn more into the Kanye side of things.”
What the “Kanye side of things” entails is anyone’s guess, but such is West’s notorious code of conduct and lack of self-control, he appears close to having a self-contained neurotic condition named after him. How cool, Yeezy.
Axl Rose and Kanye West might be as different as chalk and cheese, or they may indeed by brothers with different mothers. Who knows! The best way to analyze the rocker and the rapper’s compatibility is to study some of the finest quotes from the two maestros over the years. Axl, you’re up.
“Be bitter, stay angry, and blame everyone!”
“It’s really hard to maintain a one-on-one relationship if the other person is not going to allow me to be with other people.”
“If love is blind I guess I’ll buy myself a cane.”
“I like to be real private; you don’t always want everyone around you – even when they like you.”
“I write the vocals last, because I wanted to invent the music first and push the music to the level that I had to compete against it.”
“I like Nine Inch Nails, and I like hip-hop.”
“Regarding social media, I really don’t understand what appears to be the general population’s lack of concern over privacy issues in publicizing their entire lives on the internet for others to see to such an extent… but hey it’s them, not me, so whatever.”
Of course, unlike Axl, Kanye is obsessed with social media and has earned a reputation as being a master of the tweet. Let’s take a peek at some of West’s finest work.
“You may be talented, but you’re not Kanye West.”
“I make awesome decision in bike stores!!!”
“Sometimes I get emotional over fonts.”
“I hate when I’m on a flight and I wake up with a water bottle next to me like oh great now I gotta be responsible for the water bottle.”
“Stevie Wonder never had to use the word bitch to get his point across.”
“Who’s seen the play Wicked? I’ve seen it 4 times! Other than loving the music, acting and costumes…it’s my story!!!”
“Sometimes I push the door close button on people running towards the elevator. I just need my elevator sometimes, my 7 floor sanctuary.”
It would appear that West, who, when it comes to running his mouth, is far more prolific than Rose, Rose just has the edge in the battle of the wits, but one thing’s for sure, love them or loathe them, the oft-infantile, offensively sanitized, and mind-numbingly banal entertainment business needs larger than life characters like Axl Rose, Kanye West, and even Donald Trump, to keep stirring the pot, the punters engaged, the one finger salute flying, and the uptight offended.
God bless, and keep up the good work, fellas.
[Photo by Christopher Polk/Getty Images for iHeartMedia]