Ben Carson’s Weirdest Quotes: A Campaign Of Cringes

Ben Carson Awkward

Republican Candidate Ben Carson has always been fodder for satire, but with Thursday’s Republican Debate, he just alerted the internet to the “fruit salad” that is his internal processes.

Oh you thought you were awkward when you accidentally called your boss “Mom,” or laughed loudly like some lunatic on the subway remembering a joke you heard three days ago?

Nope, you thought wrong. The standards have been raised. Nothing you ever did – not even your drunken slurs at your sister’s wedding – will ever come close to Ben Carson’s cringe-worthy campaign.

The Republican Candidate and neurosurgeon Carson never fails to show us the limits of actual human awkwardness – here’s 5 times he’s put his foot in his mouth nonchalantly.

Awkward Presidential Hopeful Ben Carson
Awkward is Ben Carson’s natural state.

  1. Planned Parenthood is a conspiracy to kill off the African-American Population

    Like any good right-winger, Ben Carson is pro-life, but unlike the others, he’s an intersectional anti-feminist. He doesn’t use the tired religious rhetoric – no, he’s Ben Carson: he has a reputation to live up to, and he does. His bizarre idea is that Planned Parenthood is, as reported by the Salon, just a plot to kill black babies. He even says,

    “one of the reasons that you find most of their [Planned Parenthood’s] clinics in black neighborhoods is so that you can find way to control that population. And I think people should go back and read about Margaret Sanger, who founded this place — a woman who Hillary Clinton by the way says she admires. Look and see what many people in Nazi Germany thought about her.”

    A conspiracy theory coupled with a quick Nazi Germany refernce – a bizarre combination that seems to work for Ben Carson.
    And for the record, going back and reading up on Margaret Sanger reveals that her only connection to Nazi Germany is in her vocal denouncement of it. So if Nazi Germany hated her, isn’t that a good thing?

  2. The Theory of Evolution was encouraged by the Devil (He’s a neurosurgeon, mind you)

    In a 2012 speech, retired-neurosurgeon Ben Carson further exemplified that he is a living contradiction, completely disagreeing with scientific theory when he called Charles Darwin’s work the result of some Satanic stimulation.

    “I personally believe that this theory that Darwin came up with was something that was encouraged by the adversary.”

    Ben Carson’s “Adversary,” as reported by Buzzfeed, seems to mean Satan in this context. (Why does the “adversary” sound like some sort of villian in a horror film?) Anyway, this is a neurosurgeon – a man who was allowed to mess around with people’s brains for a living – discrediting science.

  3. Ben Carson said the American Voters are so ignorant, they would vote for Satan.

    Satan (or “the adversary”) is clearly Carson’s favorite in the name-drop category. According to Mediaite, the Republican Candidate Ben Carson was actually talking about the divide in the two-party system when he insulted the entire American Electorate.

    “A large number of Americans, they go into that voting booth looking for a D, an R, or a name that looks familiar. The name could be Satan, they would say, ‘Ah yeah, I recognize that name.’ Sometimes it’s worse than Satan.”

    Yes, this is a thing Ben Carson thought was okay to say about the American people. When he is trying to get them to vote for him.

    EXTRA: The way he says Hamas should be illegal

    It’s Ham-ah-s, not hummus.

  4. “Our nation is heading off the abyss of destruction.” – Ben Carson, February 25, 2016

    Carson’s opening line of the latest Republican Debate. That was his big lead-in. Very poetic, I must say.

  5. He calls many Americans “Stupid.” Again.

    In a 2014 speech, as reported by Mother Jones, Ben Carson once again casually insulted the WHOLE American Electorate.

    “The people are not as stupid as they think they are. Many of them are stupid. Okay. But I’m talking about overall.”

    Oh, you know Americans are stupid – well, not all – some. I’m speaking overall. In general, Americans are stupid. You guys know what I’m talking about right? People are just stupid, right? Right?

And of course, there are Carson’s multiple, very open versions of his childhood stabbing incident, and his Aushwitz jokes about Jewish “sensitivity,” and that time he compared Syrian refugees to rabid dogs. And, obviously, when he begged to be attacked at Thurday’s Debate. Awwwkward.

“Can somebody attack me, please?”

So if you ever feel like crawling into a hole, wanting to die, because your tongue slipped and a few people stared, remember that a Republican President hopeful Ben Carson had said those words out loud on national television.

[Photo by Alex Wong/Getty Images]