Ronda Rousey Talks Suicidal Thoughts After Losing To Holly Holm, Reveals What Kept Her From Hurting Herself

Ronda Rousey has become one of the most successful women in the sports industry in recent years, and has even moved on to star in action films, proving herself to be a hard-working talent. With fans all over the world, the UFC fighter was at the top of her game–undefeated–until last November, when Holly Holm defeated her in a shocking upset. Immediately after the fight, Rousey disappeared from the public eye for a while, and many assumed that she was taking care of herself after suffering injuries to the face during the match. Now, she’s opened up to Ellen DeGeneres about what she was feeling in the days and weeks after the fight, and there’s a lot more to it than her detractors imagined.

Rousey says she had suicidal thoughts because she had failed to beat Holm, especially after people took to the web to lampoon her. In the weeks following the loss, thousands took to social media to share their opinions on why Rousey lost–including that she may have suffered a concussion early on and that she let her anger get to her–and made jokes at Ronda’s expense. Video replay of the fight was shared all over the place, memes were born, and the once-unbeatable MMA fighter became something to be laughed at rather than revered. The fickle media was quick to turn as well, with some saying Rousey had let her anger over the weigh-in incident–in which Holm pushed her away with a hand to the face in a tense moment–get the best of her.

“I was literally sitting there and thinking about killing myself, and that exact second I’m like, ‘I’m nothing. What do I do anymore? And no one gives a sh-t about me anymore without this.’ To be honest, I looked up and I saw my man Travis was standing up there and I looked up at him and I was like, I need to have his babies. I need to stay alive,” Rousey told DeGeneres.

@criscyborg Thoughts of committing suicide? Then Ronda Rousey doesn’t need to fight Holly Holm again because she will lose again!!!! #UFC

— MoneyJuice (@MoneyJuice13) February 16, 2016

Rousey’s admission comes after weeks of speculation regarding whether or not she’ll fight again, and if she does, whether it will be against Holm. Both women have said they want to have a rematch, and UFC President Dana White has said that it would be the “biggest fight in UFC history,” if it happens. As of now, Rousey is focusing on getting well and on her upcoming film projects, which include a remake of the Patrick Swayze classic, Roadhouse. It also depends on the outcome of a March match between Holm and Miesha Tate, who has gone up against Rousey twice before and lost. Tate has been very vocal about her desire for a rematch, so it will be interesting to see what happens there.

Ronda Rousey has slowly come back into the spotlight in recent weeks, showing up on Instagram and sharing photos from her stunning Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue shoot, which feature her in nothing but body paint. The athlete said in a recent interview that being painted was quite an experience, especially when she found herself bent over having paint applied in a very sensitive place.

“The most memorable thing was me bent over on a table while someone took a little paintbrush and just colored circles around my butth**e. And I was like, ‘I am not used to anything cold and wet being there.’ So it was really odd … I’m standing there naked for 14 hours and shooting for all this time and at the end of the day, they’re like, ‘Do you want to eat? Do you want water? Do you want anything else?’ I’m like ‘No, I want a bra pronto. All other needs come later.’ ”

Ronda also took time to host SNL.

[Photo by Jason Merritt/Getty Images]