Daniel Stern, the actor who played Wet Bandit Marv Merchants in Home Alone and Home Alone 2, has issued a response to Macaulay Culkin's disturbing "Where Are They Now?" video, and it looks like poor Marv is just as paranoid and traumatized as Kevin McCallister is after surviving the botched home burglary that Home Alone fans enjoy watching every year around the holidays.
In his video, Daniel Stern acknowledges the :DRYVRS webisode starring Macaulay Culkin that imagines grown-up Kevin McCallister as an unhinged Uber driver who has never recovered from his run-in with the Wet Bandits. Daniel Stern's Marv Merchants seemingly watched the viral video, and he's far more afraid of his old nemesis now than he was when eight-year-old Kevin was bashing him in the head with paint cans and hot irons.
As Rolling Stone reports, Stern's paranoid Marv thinks that Kevin is coming to get him, and he's hoping that his old friend Harry Lime (Joe Pesci) will protect him from the little "louse" that chased them out of his house all those years ago.
Daniel Stern responds to Macaulay Culkin's #HomeAlone revelation with his own https://t.co/6SUKAkxGi5 pic.twitter.com/GIdleBFcYV"I saw it on the Internet! The kid is coming to get us," Daniel Stern says into the camera. "He's coming for all the home invaders and he's gonna come get us."
— UPROXX (@UPROXX) December 25, 2015
A hyperventilating Stern then lists off a few of Kevin's most painful and frightening booby traps before telling his old partner-in-crime that he's so scared because he's "home… alone." You can check out Daniel Stern's video below.
In the Macaulay Culkin video that Daniel Stern is responding to, Home Alone fans learn some interesting things about adult Kevin: He never learned how to drive; he thinks his mom was a Kenosha Kickers groupie; and he still knows how to torment bad guys. However, modern-day Kevin proves that he's bit more sadistic than kid Kevin by tying up carjacker with Christmas lights and proceeding to torture him. Adult Kevin celebrates besting another baddie by covering himself in his victim's blood and dancing around to "Jingle Bells."
As you can see, Daniel Stern and Macaulay Culkin both end their twisted Home Alone tributes with their iconic screams from the movie.
Daniel Stern didn't just pay homage to Home Alone by updating fans on Marv Merchants' mental state – he also took part in a Christmas Eve Reddit AMA. Stern had plenty to say about the Home Alone booby traps that left poor Marv suffering from PTSD, and he revealed that he actually got pretty beat up and bloody while filming a few of the booby trap scenes.
One of the booby traps that left Daniel Stern nursing a real injury was the doggie door scene. When the Wet Bandit attempts to look inside the McCallister house by sticking his head through the doggie door, Kevin shoots him in the forehead with a BB gun. According to Stern, the injury that he sustained had nothing to do with the gun – he hurt himself because he had a hard time getting his head out of the door.
"You can tell I did get hurt in the doggie door scene when I tried to pull my face out of the doggie door," Stern wrote. "My nose was so big it hit the bottom of the door, it bled for about a half an hour."
However, Daniel Stern revealed that he got injured far worse while filming a Home Alone 2 scene.
"There's a scene where I have to climb a tower of old TV sets, bookcases, and other seemingly simple bits of debris... but it turned out to be a lot more complicated that I imagined," Stern wrote. "I must've hit every corner of every chair and table, take after take. When I was getting out of my costume at the end of the day I noticed a lot of bruising on my legs... and three days later, both legs were purple to toes to you know where."
Daniel Stern surprised Redditors by informing them that his favorite Home Alone scene to shoot was the one that involved Macaulay Culkin placing a live tarantula on his face. Even though Daniel was afraid of letting the huge spider hang out on his mug, he actually managed to have a good time filming the scene that is every arachnophobia sufferer's worse nightmare.
"Not only was it really fun and funny to do but it was a personal challenge to overcome my fear of having something that ICKY and deadly crawling on my face. It was even freakier because I had to do that scream, which meant my mouth was wide open too - and I was afraid the little bastard might take a detour down my throat!"
Wet Bandit Daniel Stern is sharing hilarious 'Home Alone' stories on his Facebook https://t.co/xCcI6KHez1 pic.twitter.com/bvy5MZrvoMAccording to Daniel Stern, that high-pitched scream that viewers hear during the tarantula scene is the real deal. However, he didn't actually run around in the snow and ice with bare feet during scenes that show him outside without his shoes on – he got to wear a pair of rubber prosthetics. Stern says that clambering around in the "clown shoes" felt more dangerous than being barefoot.
— UPROXX (@UPROXX) December 24, 2015
Now that Daniel Stern has issued his response to Macaulay Culkin's video, it's time for Joe Pesci to tell his old partner to grab his crowbar and prepare for war. Oh, and maybe he should also remind Marv not to flood anymore sinks if he's still in the home burglary game.
[Image via 20th Century Fox/Home Alone Facebook]