Star Wars: The Force Awakens will finally arrive in theaters on December 18. After months and months of waiting, after all the secrecy and fandom theories, moviegoers are finally returning to a “galaxy far, far away.” This journey is made perilous by the Internet, and the desire of many a trolling big mouth to ruin the movie for everyone else.
What else could you call it when people race online to drop major plot spoilers in the comment sections of various websites, or on their social media accounts? Sometimes it isn’t even trolls or big-mouthed nitwits. News sites and blogs can also plant TMI right in their headlines. When dealing with earth-shattering Star Wars: The Force Awakens spoilers, what’s seen cannot be unseen.
Well, then, how about not seeing the spoiler in the first place?
I won’t be able to watch star wars until saturday so I’ll have to live under a rock for 2 days to avoid spoilers pic.twitter.com/0guLxIxb3C
— MyNewSoundtrack (@MyNewSoundtrack) December 12, 2015
I can tell you that I’m absolutely determined not to be spoiled about The Force Awakens. I will be seeing it opening weekend, but not on opening day. Within hours of the movie being available to reviewers and fans, huge tidbits about the film will be made available online.
This means that everyone who didn’t see Star Wars as soon as it dropped will become vulnerable to hearing important information well before getting a chance to see it for themselves.
If you don’t want this to happen, you are going to have to be very smart in those days before you get the chance to see The Force Awakens. I know I intend to take some drastic measures. If you aren’t sure how to stay spoiler-free, here are a few helpful tips.
Me trying to avoid Star Wars spoilers for the next week. pic.twitter.com/GvP409QZdI
— O Christmas Trench (@robtrench) December 11, 2015
First, plan to avoid social media of any and every kind until you see the movie. I am perfectly serious. Of course, because I only intend to wait a couple of days, this is hardly a sacrifice for me. For those who expect to wait longer, what you can do is carefully go through your friend lists and determine who to mute or temporarily block.
Do you have a Twitter or Facebook “friend” who likes to troll by dropping spoilers? Someone who gets way too excited and spills details? These people should be silenced until you’ve seen The Force Awakens.
I recommend avoiding social media sites like Twitter altogether, especially as spoiler-ish info is bound to end up trending. You don’t want to be on the site when “Chewy is dead” starts trending. (For the record, I don’t know if that happens, I’m just using it as an example.) I imagine a major character death or other Star Wars-related revelation will spread across social media sites before anywhere else on the Internet.
The best way to avoid this ruining your experience is just to stay away from socially active websites. Yes, that includes Reddit.
— ComingSoon.net (@comingsoonnet) December 13, 2015
Secondly, do not go anywhere near sci-fi, movie nerd, comic book, or related sites. No to Comicbook.com, don’t click on Screen Rant and The Mary Sue should be out of the question.
That actually brings me to the third, and perhaps most helpful, suggestion of all: Do not, for the life of you, read any comment sections of any websites on any topics. I can hear you saying, “Surely, that article on Donald Trump’s chances of winning the primaries is safe!”
No, no it isn’t.
[Warning: Harry Potter And The Half-Blood Prince spoilers ahead]
No comment section anywhere is safe, because those who survived “Snape Killed Dumbledore” attested to the fact that dedicated trolls purposely went out of their way to put that spoiler everywhere. Trolling is perhaps most effective in places where no one expects to be trolled.
— Jeremy (@DDayCobra) December 8, 2015
Another possible suggestion is to simply forego the Internet and other forms of communication entirely until you see Star Wars: The Force Awakens. I mean, that’s probably the best possible plan unless you have friends like this one below.
While I do not advocate violently beating one’s friends for pulling a stunt like this, perhaps it would be best to inform any jackasses in your life that there may be grave consequences if they attempt this with Star Wars. You don’t have to imply anything, just let the thought linger in the air.
In any case, with a few days left, you will have to think long and hard about your path to seeing Star Wars: The Force Awakens with fresh, non-spoiled eyes. These are my suggestions, but perhaps you have a few of your own. Share in the comments section.
[Image via LucasFilm]