Bad News: Your Cat Wants To Kill You

Bad news cat owners, not only has a new study revealed that your pet is neurotic, but it’s also confirmed that your cat really wants to kill you. In fact, it’s so hell-bent on trying to murder you that it is constantly trying to work out how.

According to the Daily Mail, researchers at the University Of Edinburgh and Bronx Zoo have been comparing their results between domesticated cats and their wilder incarnations.

The information that they gathered revealed that domestic cats share numerous, similar traits of neurotic behavior and aggression to the snow leopard, the Scottish wildcat, and the African lion, each of whom are larger and more predatory versions of these cats.

The wild cats and domestic cats are both dominant, impulsive, and neurotic. Researchers were able to gather this data by using a testing method known as the Big Five personality test, which they put 100 cats through the rigors of.

These animals were taken from different shelters in Scotland, while others from U.K. and USA zoos and animal sanctuaries were examined to complete the test.

This included five categories, which were Openness to Experience, Extraversion/Introversion, Agreeableness, Conscientiousness, and Neuroticism.

Dr. Max Wachtel, who works as a psychologist and analysed the information that was gathered by the institutions, spoke to 9NEWS about the date, concluding, “They’re cute and furry and cuddly, but we need to remember when we have cats as pets, we are inviting little predators into our house.”

Pretty ominous stuff. And while Dr. Wachtel was insistent that cats are fine companions, each and everyone of them has the potential to actually turn on you. He added, “For a lot of people, it is worth it. Cats can be fantastic, sweet companions. Until they turn on you.”

In fact, Dr. Wachtel insisted that the only reason domesticated cats don’t repeatedly cause injury on their owners is their size, which prevents them from unleashing all of the predatory instincts and desires that they possess.

Dr. Wachtel continued, “It is good to understand the personality characteristics of our pets. Different cats have different personalities. But as a species, there are a lot of commonalities.”

Basically, these discoveries prove that because of the similarities in personalities between African lions and domestic house cats, which are that they are both dominant, impulsive and neurotic, this means that if your cat was bigger then it would probably try to kill you.

According to WWLTV, any time you see your cat acting either in an anxious, insecure, tense, aggressive, or suspicious manner, that’s exactly what is happening. However, rather than you being able to sit down with your cat and talk through these problems, your cat simply asks like a petulant child and continues to brood with resentment. That’s until you start to placate and appease your pet by playing or consoling it.

But it isn’t all bed news for pet owners out there. That’s because when your cat is in a jovial mood, like African cats, they can be excitable, playful, and then randomly hilarious too.

The problem is that they just don’t have a great hold of these emotions. One second they might be enjoying receiving a belly or fur rub from you, but then in the very next moment they might leap with their teeth or claw to get you to stop.

Basically, all that this research confirms that is you really need to keep one eye on your cat. While we also need to thank God that they not every cat possesses opposable thumbs – some polydactyl cats actually do – otherwise they’d have already tried to take over the world. And probably would have succeeded.

[Image via elwynn/Shutterstock]