It’s not easy being a bearded hipster in Sweden. A gang of the facial hair-sporting deviants were visited by the police after concerned members of the public mistook the bearded “barbarians” for ISIS terrorists.
It’s an easy mistake to make. For decades, civilized man has regarded the bearded man with undisguised contempt. The deep darkness and twisted perversion that all too often hides behind unsightly facial hair has long made any dandy worth his well-cut suit shudder at the horror of the unkempt one, for whom slovenly hygiene and ill discipline are natural bedfellows.
As the Inquisitr suggested in an earlier report on the nature of beards and hipsters, “Once upon a time a man with a beard would suggest to all right thinking citizens, that here was a creature, (more than likely nocturnal and prone to self-abuse) with all the hygiene habits of a particularly vile gutter rat and the moral fibre of a stoat.”
“Beards were not cultivated as they are now, but were more something which happened to a man when his guard was down. A man for who the everyday demands and rigours of everyday life had become a little too much would often grow a beard. In other words the beard had come to symbolise a cry for help from someone teetering on the brink of the abyss.”
Yet like lambs to the slaughter, hordes of self-proclaimed hipsters have once again grown what man has built a billion-dollar industry around trying to remove.
The facial-haired fiends swan around the place like a viral plague of poorly dressed drones who pay extortionate amounts to eat bowls of overpriced cereal, and who attempt to turn a strange aversion to the beautiful symmetry of the razor blade, and a forced deprivation of essential nutrients, into some sort of misguided fashion statement.
There’s nothing remotely individual about belonging to a club where the only rule is to all look the same. But try telling a man with facial hair anything and you’ll soon realize that you should make it a golden rule never to argue with the insane or a person with a beard. Their entire thought process is fundamentally flawed.
Take, for example, the tragic case of the bearded hipsters in Sweden. Or the Bearded Villains, as these fun-loving gentlemen collectively refer to themselves.
The Bearded Villains, who describe themselves as “a brotherhood of elite bearded men from all over the world,” were having a little get-together — or, in hipster speak, a photo shoot at the Brahehus Castle in Sweden — when their unsightly appearance and vile antics so upset certain members of the public on an unsuspecting day out, they decided to call the police.
The Bearded Villains were, as usual, all dressed up in their poor fitting hipster finery, standing awkwardly, admiring the length and bushiness of one another’s beards, and for some odd reason, waving a black flag which looked remarkably similar to those waved by ISIS.
Needless to say, the toxic combination of long beards, remote historic sites, groups of excitable men hugging, and black flags sounded the alarm in a big way for the Swedish police, who rushed to the scene of, if not terrorist activity, at least a place where crimes against good taste were being committed en masse.
Upon their arrival, the boys in blue were obviously disgusted at the sight of so much facial hair but soon realized that the bearded lads were no jihadists, but simply hipsters.
Andreas Franson was amongst the men who have fetishised the image of the authoritarian Victorian gentleman and wrote on Facebook, “In the middle of the shoot, two cops show up, telling us they got a call from someone saying that they drove past and saw about 30 terrorists waving a ISIS flag.”
“We had a good laugh with the cops, who had to respond to the call, but quickly saw that we weren’t terrorists, out in the middle of nowhere, dressed in formal wear, hugging and laughing.”
Now while it’s easy and often quite enjoyable to laugh at hipsters and men with beards, facial hair is no joke.
This isn’t the first time hipsters have been mistaken for terrorists. So the question is this: If the sight of a man with a beard triggers some unknown and primitive fear in our primal DNA, should we not be seriously debating if facial hair needs to be criminalized?
[Lead image via Facebook]